20 Ways You Know You're Getting Old (Brought to You by A Weekend Away in my 30s)
Justin turned 33 this week and we celebrated by spending a night on the other side of the state shopping, eating good food, and sleeping. As we went about our activities, though, I noticed how old we're beginning to act. I'm going to share the top 20 events you might experience on a weekend away that shows your age. (In fairness, even though I'm 9 months younger than Justin, these are pretty much all my experiences. I'm the old soul in this relationship.)
20. You spend the first half hour of the road trip discussing how to protect your children from sexual predators and human traffickers.
19. You stop for lunch at Arby's, then stop again half an hour later to pee even though the hotel is only 40 minutes away.
18. When, after you check into the hotel, your husband asks if you want to go to the mall, you say no in favor of taking a long, uninterrupted shower and lying in bed to read a book and watch Property Brothers.
17. You try to do the "smoky eye" look for dinner, but end up scrubbing it all off because it looks like you're trying too hard.
16. You go to dinner at Red Robin because you have a free birthday burger courtesy of their rewards program.
15. You look around at all the families with children surrounding you in the restaurant and think to yourself, "I'm so glad we didn't have to bring our kids tonight."
14. You take a couple Pepto Bismol pills (that you carry in your purse) at the table because overeating leads to major stomach pain.
13. When your husband offers to stop at the mall on the way back to the hotel, you decline in favor of getting back into your yoga pants and lying in bed watching Fixer Upper.
12. You sleep fitfully and wake up before 9:00 am!
11. You delight in the fact that check-out isn't until noon, and spend all morning in bed watching reruns of The Office.
10. When you do finally make it to the mall, you only go into two stores: The Gap Outlet - where you buy 3 layering tanks in neutral colors and a $5 clearance t-shirt. And the Victoria's Secret Outlet - where you try on one sensible white t-shirt bra, but leave empty handed because you're in denial about your band size and can't rationalize spending $20 on a bra when you can get one at Wal-Mart for $10.
9. You spend your entire time at the mall marveling at what "kids these days" are wearing and wondering how their mothers let them out of the house with so much skin showing.
8. For lunch, you split an entree from the food court with your husband . . . and use a coupon.
7. You watch a girl in her young 20s wearing a slip of a dress and showing off 4 feet of tan, toned legs sit down at a table with an entire personal pan pizza and think to yourself, "Just wait until you hit 30 and lose that fabulous metabolism . . ."
6. You make your husband take a picture of you in front of the Lego Store to send to your kids.
5. You see a PG movie and don't buy popcorn because you're still full from that half an entree you ate in the food court.
4. On the way home, you shimmy out of your jeans in the front seat of the car in order to put your yoga pants back on.
3. You drive through McDonald's on the way home instead of sitting down for dinner because your baby is sick and you just want to get home to him.
2. Your back hurts from sleeping in a strange bed and sitting in the car for 2.5 hours.
And the number one reason you know you're getting old . . .
1. You read this entry and felt jealous of all the time I spent lying in bed watching HGTV in my yoga pants. 😁
20. You spend the first half hour of the road trip discussing how to protect your children from sexual predators and human traffickers.
19. You stop for lunch at Arby's, then stop again half an hour later to pee even though the hotel is only 40 minutes away.
18. When, after you check into the hotel, your husband asks if you want to go to the mall, you say no in favor of taking a long, uninterrupted shower and lying in bed to read a book and watch Property Brothers.
17. You try to do the "smoky eye" look for dinner, but end up scrubbing it all off because it looks like you're trying too hard.
16. You go to dinner at Red Robin because you have a free birthday burger courtesy of their rewards program.
15. You look around at all the families with children surrounding you in the restaurant and think to yourself, "I'm so glad we didn't have to bring our kids tonight."
14. You take a couple Pepto Bismol pills (that you carry in your purse) at the table because overeating leads to major stomach pain.
13. When your husband offers to stop at the mall on the way back to the hotel, you decline in favor of getting back into your yoga pants and lying in bed watching Fixer Upper.
12. You sleep fitfully and wake up before 9:00 am!
11. You delight in the fact that check-out isn't until noon, and spend all morning in bed watching reruns of The Office.
10. When you do finally make it to the mall, you only go into two stores: The Gap Outlet - where you buy 3 layering tanks in neutral colors and a $5 clearance t-shirt. And the Victoria's Secret Outlet - where you try on one sensible white t-shirt bra, but leave empty handed because you're in denial about your band size and can't rationalize spending $20 on a bra when you can get one at Wal-Mart for $10.
9. You spend your entire time at the mall marveling at what "kids these days" are wearing and wondering how their mothers let them out of the house with so much skin showing.
8. For lunch, you split an entree from the food court with your husband . . . and use a coupon.
7. You watch a girl in her young 20s wearing a slip of a dress and showing off 4 feet of tan, toned legs sit down at a table with an entire personal pan pizza and think to yourself, "Just wait until you hit 30 and lose that fabulous metabolism . . ."
6. You make your husband take a picture of you in front of the Lego Store to send to your kids.
5. You see a PG movie and don't buy popcorn because you're still full from that half an entree you ate in the food court.
4. On the way home, you shimmy out of your jeans in the front seat of the car in order to put your yoga pants back on.
3. You drive through McDonald's on the way home instead of sitting down for dinner because your baby is sick and you just want to get home to him.
2. Your back hurts from sleeping in a strange bed and sitting in the car for 2.5 hours.
And the number one reason you know you're getting old . . .
1. You read this entry and felt jealous of all the time I spent lying in bed watching HGTV in my yoga pants. 😁
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