Sunday, August 30, 2015

12 Weeks


Baby is the size of a plum this week.

How Far Along? 12 weeks
Total Weight Loss/Gain: +1 as of my appt on Friday
Maternity Clothes? I haven't actually worn them again since last Sunday.
Sleep: Exhausted 24/7. Pretty sure I could sleep 24/7. Still having disgusting night sweats.
Best Moment This Week: Another ultrasound! Baby was jumping all over the place. So crazy.
Movement: Not that I can feel.
Food Cravings: It's funny how I crave the same things this time around that I did with Lena. I bought Dinty Moore beef stew this week. And red white and blue popsicles.
Food Aversions: There are times when nothing sounds good. But once I start eating, I like it.
Gender: Still thinking boy. Although I wouldn't be that surprised if it's a girl either. Haha. No strong inclination one way or another.
Labor Signs: None
What I Miss: Making it through the day without taking a nap, rolling over in bed without the breath-taking round ligament pain.
What I'm Looking Forward To: Finding out gender, looking obviously pregnant (although I definitely do in the above picture!).
Milestones: I definitely turned the corner with the nausea this week. On Thursday, it came back for about two hours, but for the most part it is gone! Still have some digestive issues, but not the debilitating nausea. Thank you, Lord!

I had the longest doctor's appointment ever on Friday. Started with my ultrasound at 10:15. Baby looked good, heartbeat was lower than it's been to date (140s). My subchorionic hematoma hasn't changed in size so I have to keep going back to check on it.
Then I went back to the waiting room for half an hour before being called back to see my doctor. I talked to her for less than two minutes. She assured me once again that the hematoma isn't a big deal, we're just being proactive by checking up on it. But the paperwork she sent me home with said I need to come back for an ultrasound in two weeks to check on "fetal viability." That makes me nervous.

Finally, I had 5 vials of blood drawn and didn't pass out! Whew! I left there at 11:40. Oy.

Saturday, August 29, 2015

The Saturday 7

1. The big news of the week was Lucy's first week of school. It actually went amazingly well and I realized that it went exactly as I prayed it would. I've been praying for months that Lucy wouldn't be nervous, but that she'd be flooded with excitement, that she wouldn't cry, that she would love school and make at least one good friend.

On Monday morning, she woke up saying, "I'm so excited to go to school!" Up until then, every time we went to school she hid behind me or dropped to the floor refusing to cooperate. But on Monday morning, not only did she let me do her hair (a major fight around here), she smiled happily for her first day of school picture, and marched right into her classroom with only the slightest hesitation.


Mrs. Ellsworth had a coloring page for her to do, so she sat right at her desk and started coloring.

The girl sitting next to her at the table immediately started talking to her and by the end of the day, they were best friends. I lingered for a few minutes, but she was doing fine, so I said, "Ok I'm going to leave. Give me a hug and kiss." She hugged and kissed me and went back to her coloring page without incident. I left without shedding a tear, marveling at how well it had gone, but I did have a knot in my stomach most of the day wondering how she was doing.

When we picked her up 7 hours later, she ran right out to me and gave me a big hug. I asked her how the first day was and she said, "Great!" She proceeded to tell me all about her day for the next half hour (and I thanked God for giving me a girl).

2. Consistently throughout the week, her least favorite part of the school day is recess. Haha. What kind of kid is she? Actually, I know. She's just like me. She loves the structure of school. Her teacher tells her what to do. She sits with the same 3 kids every day and is getting to know them. But recess is too free. She's too shy to go play with anyone and won't play by herself. She told me that she stood by a pole and cried every day at recess. Lol. How pathetic. She'll be ok as she makes more friends and gains more confidence. I'm not too worried.

3. Ok, one more quick thing about school. Many of my homeschooling friends have started posting on facebook about their planning and first days, etc., and every time I think, "Oh I'm so glad I'm not doing that this year." Haha. I have major respect for homeschooling moms. I got a tiny taste of it (I only did it with Lucy from September to February) and did not enjoy it. It's so nice to just send Lucy off to school and not worry about educating her myself. Haha.

4. That said, Lena and I did a tiny bit of "school" this week. When we moved in with my parents, Lucy was a few months shy of 3 and I decided to start working on a letter a week with her. She loved it and really learned her letters and sounds. Lena can only identify 2 letters so I decided we were going to start working on them while Lucy's at school. I'm copying what I did with Lucy so there is almost zero effort on my behalf. And Lena looooooves sitting at the table doing projects like a big girl. Lucy's doing a letter a week at school, so Lena and I are going to do the same letter Lucy does every week. This week was A.
Apple stamping
I also posted on facebook about how Lena was adamant that when Lucy goes to school, she was going to do glitter glue. We went to the dollar store on Monday and bought some. Lena used the whole package on one picture. Haha.

5. I asked for crock pot recipe ideas on facebook this week and got a ton of responses. It was great! And as a result, I actually cooked 4 days this week!! (Well Justin did make the chili, but I planned for it and bought all the ingredients.) And I had my best week nausea-wise in the past month! I even ate most of the dinners I made!

6. I am not enjoying the fall weather we had this week. I am not one of those people that gets excited about the crisp, cool fall days. About pumpkin spiced everything and scarves and boots. Because you know what follows that? Winter. Horrendous, awful winter. And this winter I'm going to have to haul my pregnant self and two children in and out of the car to school 3 days a week. There will be no sitting at home by the fireplace all day.

That said, it's supposed to be in the high 80s next weekend while we're camping and I'm not thrilled about that either. I'll just take 75 and sunny year round please!

7. Justin went to the Bassmaster championship on the east side of the state this weekend. He's in his glories camping and fishing and watching the pros do their thing. I've been having fun eating chips and cheese for dinner, having the whole bed to myself, and staying up until 1 am playing games with my mom, sisters, and friends. That said, it's a little exhausting solo parenting even for just a few days. Thank goodness for my parents! Hurry home, Justin!

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Book #27: Station Eleven

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Amazon Synopsis:
Kirsten Raymonde will never forget the night Arthur Leander, the famous Hollywood actor, had a heart attack on stage during a production of King Lear. That was the night when a devastating flu pandemic arrived in the city, and within weeks, civilization as we know it came to an end. 

Twenty years later, Kirsten moves between the settlements of the altered world with a small troupe of actors and musicians. They call themselves The Traveling Symphony, and they have dedicated themselves to keeping the remnants of art and humanity alive. But when they arrive in St. Deborah by the Water, they encounter a violent prophet who will threaten the tiny band’s existence. And as the story takes off, moving back and forth in time, and vividly depicting life before and after the pandemic, the strange twist of fate that connects them all will be revealed.

How's that for different than my norm?? I actually am kind of interested in dystopian literature, but it's usually geared toward the young adult crowd, and I just do not enjoy that. So I was excited to find this one at the library. At first, the synopsis turned me off. It seemed overly complicated. I'm usually not a fan of the going back and forth in time. But I kept coming back to it week after week at the library, so I decided just to try it.

I really liked it! I started it at 7 pm yesterday and stayed up 'til midnight to finish it. I liked that the storyline was actually plausible. It is technically possible that a super-virus could take over the world and kill 99% of the population in a matter of days/weeks. There were no zombies or vampires involved.

I love to read about "the olden days" before electricity and modern conveniences, so it was fun to read about life after modern technology that was reminiscent of the olden days. I loved reading about how this traveling caravan used old truck beds pulled by horses like the covered wagons of the Oregon Trail. And how people abandoned their homes in search of help only to end up creating settlements in motels so they could be together and have the protection of a group. A large portion of the book is set in an airport where people were stranded when all air travel ended. It was interesting to see how they used the abandoned planes as homes, how they raided the airport restaurant for food and then used the TSA guns to go hunting when they ran out of food.

And a couple of the performers in the traveling symphony are scavengers, who go into people's abandoned homes and look for anything interesting/useful. How awesome would that be to go through people's belongings? Haha. I'm nosy.

The plot was basically just how these people survive and how a new civilization started after civilization as we know it ended. But the story was well written and interesting. At first, it took me a while to get used to the back and forth between the past and present, but eventually I figured it out. I'm a very linear thinker. It amazes me that authors can so artfully arrange a story without going in perfect order from beginning to end. Haha.

Here's my one beef with the dystopian theme: In this story, at least, the electricity/Internet went out after the first week - not because of some huge natural disaster, but because so many people died that there was no one left to run the plants. I'm sorry, but you're really telling me that no electricians survived? There was no one who understands electricity enough to get the plant up and running? And lots of people died from the lack of medicine/antibiotics. No doctors or scientists or pharmacists survived who know how to make the medication? It just seems unlikely. But it makes for a great story! :-)

It's one of those books that really makes you think. I, for one, would not have survived long - even if I did make it through the pandemic. If my family and friends died, my house was raided by looters, and I had to live in fear of being shot/attacked all the time, I'd just give up. I'd lay down and die. I wouldn't even bother hiking for miles to find other people and start a whole new civilization. And I certainly wouldn't do my part to repopulate the world without modern conveniences . . . like epidurals! Lol.

Sunday, August 23, 2015

11 Weeks

Lucy is so in love. And I am going to be so huge. How can I be showing so much by 11 weeks??

The baby is the size of a lime this week.

How far along? 11 weeks
Total weight loss/gain: I was back down to my starting weight at my doctor's appt last Thursday
Maternity clothes? Broke out the maternity jeans today! I couldn't take it anymore.
Sleep: Same as before. Exhausted all the time, but have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. Major night sweats.
Best moment this week: Seeing the baby on ultrasound again.
Movement: Not that I can feel. It was moving all over on the ultrasound.
Food cravings: Fizzy drinks. 
Food aversions: Hardly any. 
Gender: Thinking boy since I feel so different this time around. 
Labor Signs: None
Belly Button in or out? Half and half
What I miss: Feeling good. Having energy.
What I am looking forward to: The second trimester. Less nausea. More energy. Finding out gender.
Milestones: I think the nausea is finally starting to lessen. I've felt slightly better this week. Still not wonderful, but not as completely miserable either. Hopefully that means we're on the upswing! 

Saturday, August 22, 2015

The Saturday 7

Are you ready for a baby-centric edition of the Saturday 7? I've kept this a secret for 5 weeks (hence the lack of blogging)! It's time to spew all I've been keeping pent up.

1. I'm nervous that we told Lucy about the baby too early. She is already so in love and so attached. She kisses my belly and sings songs to the baby and says at least five times a day, "I can't believe we're having a baby!" She is going to be so devastated if this baby doesn't make it.

2. I had my follow up doctor's appointment after going to the ER with bleeding last week. At the ER, they couldn't find a reason for the bleeding, just told me it was normal and to follow up with my doctor. At my doctor's office, I had an ultrasound where they diagnosed me with a subchorionic hematoma. Apparently, it's not a big deal and my doctor fully expects it to resolve itself. But I'm purposely not googling and discovering the worst case scenarios. The good news is that I'll get more ultrasounds to check on it and see more of the baby!
10 weeks, 4 days
3. Lena is very worried about squishing the baby. The other day she climbed up on me and accidentally pushed on my stomach. She jerked her hand away, looked at me to gauge my reaction and said sheepishly, "I squished the baby." And then she saw Lucy hugging me and said, "Hey! Stop squishing my baby!" Lol.

4. I have zero name ideas for this kid - boy or girl. I've decided we're just going to combine the girls' names. For a girl: Luna. For a boy: Luca. That wouldn't be confusing at all, right? Seriously, though, I'm going to do my best to avoid the letter "L" this time. I have enough trouble with Lola, Lucy, and Lena. (Not to mention Luke and Libby when they're around.) It's time to branch out.

5. This article makes my blood BOIL, because I totally agree with it. (Well not totally. I don't think name calling is ever effective, and just turns people off from your message.) I'm so overwhelmed lately by all the abortion/Planned Parenthood articles. They make me so angry! I don't understand how people can be ok with it. I don't understand how you can read about babies being born with their hearts still beating and then having their faces ripped open to harvest their brains, and still think abortion is a-ok. It boggles my mind! But then, I read this in my devotions this week:
They are from the world and therefore speak from the viewpoint of the world, and the world listens to them. We are from God, and whoever knows God listens to us; but whoever is not from God does not listen to us. This is how we recognize the Spirit[a] of truth and the spirit of falsehood. (1 John 4:5-6)
6. Lucy got to meet her teacher on Thursday. She saw where she's going to sit and where she's going to hang her backpack. We walked around the school and saw the gym and library and playground. I got my questions answered and am feeling more confident. Hopefully Lucy is too!

7. I just gave Lucy a pre-school haircut. She told me she wanted it cut to the top of her shoulders. I told her that was too short and said we'd do like mid-back. Here's before:
After!
It's really not that crooked. She's just leaning funny.
When I first showed her the hair I cut off, she freaked out and ran upstairs crying. I was feeling really bad for cutting off so much (even though it was less than what she said she wanted!). But she checked herself out in her mirror upstairs and decided it wasn't that short, so now she's happy. (We'll see how happy she is once it dries and gets even shorter! Lol. Good thing her hair grows fast!) My sisters are going to kill me . . .

Sunday, August 16, 2015

10 Weeks

Don't let Lucy's expression fool you. She is beyond thrilled.

How far along? 10 weeks - due March 13, 2016
Total weight loss/gain: I was up 2 lbs as of last week. Haven't weighed myself this week.
Maternity clothes? Trying to hold out until 12 weeks, but doing the rubber band trick on a lot of my jeans already.
Sleep: Exhausted all the time, but have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. Major night sweats.
Best moment this week: Seeing the baby on an ultrasound. Telling the girls and the rest of the world.
Movement: Not that I can feel. I saw it wiggling all over on the ultrasound, though.
Food cravings: Fizzy, fruity drinks. 
Food aversions: Some. Nothing specific. Usually nothing sounds good. 
Gender: Thinking boy since I feel so different this time around.
Labor Signs: None
Belly Button in or out? Half and half (it never really went back in after Lena)
What I miss: Feeling good. 
What I am looking forward to: Hearing the heartbeat, actually looking pregnant instead of pudgy.
Milestones: By 10 weeks, the baby is almost fully developed. It just has to grow from here on out. At the ultrasound, it clearly had a head, arms and legs. The Dr. said it was even sucking its thumb. My babycenter email said it has fingernails by now (Juno, anyone?). Amazing.

Whew! I'm so glad the news is out! 6 weeks is way too long to keep a secret! Haha.

I'll post some of the updates I've been jotting down for myself soon if you care to read back on the past few weeks. The short[er] version is this:

This baby has been a troublemaker from the beginning. I started spotting two days after my positive test and thought, "Well that was a quick one." I had blood drawn that showed my HCG levels rising as they should and got in for an early ultrasound at 5 weeks. The baby just looked like a tiny blob that early, but there was a clear, flickering heartbeat. So incredible. 

At about 6 weeks exactly, I started to feel sick. I never felt anything like this with the girls. It's just horrendous nausea for hours on end. I am fortunate that I don't puke (although sometimes I think it might be better just to get it out!), and it's not 24/7. It's very random. Usually, I feel good most of the day and then start to feel sick around 4. But some days I wake up feeling awful and some days I feel fine all day. Regardless, I'm ready for the nausea to be over. It magically goes away at 12 weeks, right???

After that initial ultrasound at 5 weeks, I wasn't scheduled to go back to the doctor until 12 weeks. So I was doing my best to keep it a secret until then. Unfortunately, I show almost immediately. Lucy told me no less than 6 times in the past 6 weeks that I look like I have a baby in my belly. 

And then on Friday I had some major bleeding. I was sure it was over and I was losing another baby. But we got an ultrasound in the ER showing a fully developed baby, measuring right on track, wiggling all over the place, with a strong heartbeat. I was in shock. The doctors weren't certain what caused the bleeding, but said it can be normal and sent me on my way! After seeing that ultrasound and being assured that the baby is healthy and measuring on track, I decided to stop torturing myself and share the news.

We told the girls yesterday. Lucy is so excited. She squealed with joy when we told her and has said multiple times since then "I can't believe you're having a baby!" Yesterday we went a little crazy and took the girls to Chuck E. Cheese, Toys R Us (where they were told we were only looking - not buying!), the pet store (see previous disclaimer), and McDonald's for ice cream. Yet, as we were sitting in McDonald's, Lucy said, "This day has been so fun. But my favorite part is that we're having a baby." She also told me that she really wants a girl, but we're probably having a boy since we already two girls. Lena gets it and loves to push on my belly and say, "I touched your baby." She has also asked at least 10 times, "When's the baby going to come out?" Haha. It's going to be a long winter!

So fasten your seatbelts for 30 more of weeks of pregnancy updates! Here we go again! 

Saturday, August 15, 2015

9 Weeks

How far along? 9 weeks
Total weight loss/gain: I was up 2 lbs at my WIC appt on Wednesday
Maternity clothes? Trying to hold out until 12 weeks, but doing the rubber band trick on a lot of my jeans already.
Sleep: Same as before. Exhausted all the time, but have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. Major night sweats.
Best moment this week: Feeling good a few days in a row!
Movement: Nope
Food cravings: Fizzy, fruity drinks. Anything cold. I made cheesecake this week just because cold and creamy sounded so good.
Food aversions: Getting better. I did make Justin fry the hamburger meat for chili this week. I just couldn’t look at it.
Gender: Thinking boy since I feel so different this time around.
Labor Signs: None
Belly Button in or out? Half and half
What I miss: Feeling good. Not having to hide my belly.
What I am looking forward to: Feeling better, hearing a heartbeat at my 12 week appt. Sharing the news.
Milestones: I gagged while changing Lena’s dirty diaper this week. That’s a first. (It wasn’t even that bad!)


The nausea has been so random this week. It was terrible on Monday. All day. I wanted to die. Not bad on Tuesday. I felt great Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. And then it came back on Saturday. Blech. 

8 Weeks

How far along? 8 weeks
Total weight loss/gain: started at 143
Maternity clothes? Trying to hold out until 12 weeks, but doing the rubber band trick on a lot of my jeans already.
Sleep: It’s weird. I’m exhausted all day every day, but it takes me about an hour to fall asleep every time – whether for a nap or at night.
Best moment this week:
Movement: Nope
Food cravings: Fizzy, fruity drinks.
Food aversions: Pretty much everything.
Gender: ?
Labor Signs: None
Belly Button in or out? Half and half
What I miss: Feeling good
What I am looking forward to: Feeling better, hearing a heartbeat at my 12 week appt.
Milestones: Nothing really


I feel miserable. Usually, I feel okay most of the day, and then around 4:00 the nausea starts to hit me. Today, I feel like my gag reflex is working overtime just to keep the puke down – and has been since about 9 am. I never actually puke, but sometimes I wonder if it would be better just to get it out.

I’ve been feeling bad since 6 weeks on the dot. It is seriously the worst. I know, logically, that it could be so much worse. I’m not puking. I can eat and drink. But I am constantly nauseous. I spend most of the day lying on the couch in agony. I sleep way too much and ignore my children, husband, and house. The guilt is overwhelming.


I’m also super nervous about keeping this baby. I had an ultrasound at 5w,4d that just showed a little blob, but a steadily beating heart. (102 bpm) And while I technically miscarried my last babies and 9 and 10 weeks, they both measured 6 weeks, so I feel like this one could’ve died after the ultrasound and I wouldn’t even know it. My next appointment isn’t until 12 weeks! With Lena, I got ultrasounds at 7 and 9 weeks for my peace of mind. No such luck this time. Just waiting, waiting, waiting. I try to take comfort in my plethora of symptoms, but then I worry that my body wouldn’t know if the baby is dead or not. As long as it’s still in there, my body will continue to make hormones or whatever that make me so sick. I’m terrified of sharing the news and then finding out a week later that the baby is gone. So I’ve been trying to keep my mouth shut, even though I’m perpetually miserable and getting bigger every day. Not sure I can keep it in for another month!

The Saturday "7"

1. A few minutes after writing last week's Saturday 7, Justin brought in the mail with a letter from Lucy's teacher! There's an open house to meet her/see the classroom/have our questions answered this Thursday. So I'm feeling a bit more confident now. Whew.

2. I read two books this week: The Anatomist's Apprentice by Tessa Harris and Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty. That puts me at 26 books read. Only 4 to go in 7 weeks. Easy peasy. :-)

3. I saw a great article floating around facebook this week: I Don't Know How You Do This Every Day. Here's kind of a long excerpt from it, but it's so good.
It became a daily routine in our house – my husband walked through the door at 6:02 p.m. and I promptly dumped two children into his arms, along with three dozen complaints, before locking myself in the bathroom to be alone for 10 minutes.
Every night my knight in shining armor took over kid duty as I unloaded every rotten detail of our exhausting day. I needed him to know how hard this was, how worn out I had become, how depleted and hopeless I felt by 5 p.m. The complaints flew out of my mouth without hesitation, tales of spit-up and failed naps and tantrums in the grocery store and crushed cheerios under the kitchen table.
I had turned into the world's biggest tattletale, with our kids at the forefront of my daily rant. I became the type of person that I didn't even like to be around – the victim, the girl who whines more than she laughs. I didn't even recognize myself on some days. Who was this negative person complaining 24/7? I wanted to stop myself, but I couldn't; the rants came flying out of my mouth like word vomit.
She goes on to realize that the problem wasn't really with the kids, it was with her attitude. She was so desperate for validation from her husband that her job was hard, that she dwelt on all the negatives of the day instead of enjoying being a stay at home mom.

I have been shocked by the depression that accompanied my move to being a stay at home mom. This is what I've always wanted. It's what I worked toward. It's why we were married for 5 years before having kids. It's why we live with my parents. So why do I feel like I hate it sometimes? I don't want to work. I don't want to do anything else. But I don't totally love this all the time either. And it's largely because of my attitude. I've had this realization before. I've told myself to focus on the good, to soak up the happy times, but I need reminders. It's so easy to fall back into my habit of despair.

4. Here's an example of how good I have it. My sister is camping all week at a campground on a lake. So one day this week, I packed up the girls and we headed out to the campground, where my sisters and I sat on the beach chatting and soaking up sun and my girls ran in and out of the waves playing. (Granted, there was screaming and crying and cleaning up a lot of sand and all that goes with little kids and the beach.) But I got to spend the day at the beach with my kids and my sisters! That is the life!


5. We actually went to the lake twice this week. Lucy is fearless and wades right out to her neck. She can swim, but not well, and she makes me quite nervous. Lena started out wary, but got more and more comfortable, and loved being able to walk right in and sit down in the shallow water. I got a nice sunburn that faded into a lovely tan. Yes, vanity will be the death of me.

Well I guess that's it for this week. All we did was hang out at the beach, read books, and watch TV (Rehab Addict is my new obsession). Have a great weekend, y'all!

The Beginning

The Beginning
I took a test on Tuesday, June 29 even though my period wasn’t due ‘til Sunday. I thought there was a line, but it was gray and it’s supposed to be pink, so I bought another one and waited til the next morning. On Wednesday there was a definite line. But just because I’m neurotic, I bought a digital test and took it Thursday. It clearly said “pregnant.”

On Thursday afternoon I started spotting. (Here comes some TMI.) It was just light brown, but historically, spotting has never been a good sign for me. Both of my miscarriages started with spotting, but I never spotted at all with the girls. So I was pretty sure it was over.

It’s amazing how you can get attached to something – or at least the idea of something – in two days. I had already looked up my due date and figured out the age difference between Lena and the baby and honestly, started thinking of baby names. I was devastated with that spotting started. It was semi-heavy, but never changed color. When I was still spotting on Friday, I wallowed. I spent the day in bed, mourning what I was certain was another loss. I wanted to wait and see if the spotting got darker or heavier, so I didn’t call the doctor until Monday morning, even though I spotted on and off all weekend.

On Monday, July 6, I went in and had my blood drawn to check my HCG levels. The phlebotomist did a great job and didn’t have to dig around or anything, but I immediately had a huge, dark bruise. They called me later that day with my HCG number: 869. I consulted Dr. Google and decided that was a pretty good number for only being 4 weeks pregnant.

On Wednesday, I had my blood drawn again. This time my numbers came back in the 1500 range. They want to see your numbers double to confirm a viable pregnancy. My numbers didn’t technically double, but they rose and were very close to doubling, so I was feeling cautiously optimistic.

On Thursday, July 16, I had an ultrasound just to double check everything and give me some peace of mind. I was 5 weeks, 4 days so I didn’t even know if we’d be able to see anything on the ultrasound. I was horribly nervous and had to wait forever in the waiting room. Finally, they called my name and got me started. Much to my chagrin, she checked my ovaries first to rule out ectopic, then moved on to the uterus. I could immediately see a sac, but wasn’t sure there was anything in it. Then I started to catch little glimpses of a tiny blob. Finally, she settled on the blob and I could clearly see there was something there. I asked if it was too early to see a heartbeat and she said, “Oh no, I just haven’t gotten there yet.” A minute later, she showed me the flickering heartbeat. In.cred.i.ble.

This was right around the time all the planned parenthood drama started going down, and I just laid there on that table marveling that anyone could deny life begins at conception. Admittedly, the baby didn’t look like much, but it had a heartbeat! At 5 weeks!! The tech said the heart rate was 102 bpm, which is normal for that age gestation.

My doctor wasn’t in that day, so I met with a different one. He was kind of cooky. We talked about how I have two kids at home, yet he proceeded to tell me that pregnancy is 40 weeks long, split into 3 trimesters, and the 1st trimester is usually the worst. I wanted to say, “Uh yeah. Been there done that. And the 3rd tri is definitely worse than the 1st!” But he also told me that once you see a healthy baby with a heartbeat on an ultrasound, your risk of miscarriage plummets to 3%. That was reassuring, but doesn’t really stop me from worrying. Haha.


At about 6 weeks exactly, the “morning sickness: kicked in. I’m not sure I really have the right to call it that, because I’m not puking or even dry heaving. I’m just miserably nauseous. But I never had anything like this with my girls, so it’s new to me. It comes and goes. I’m usually fine in the morning and it gets worse as the day goes on. But sometimes, I wake up feeling like I’m going to puke and go to bed feeling the same way. 

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Book #26: Big Little Lies

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Amazon Synopsis:

A murder…A tragic accident…Or just parents behaving badly? What’s indisputable is that someone is dead.

Madeline is a force to be reckoned with. She’s funny, biting, and passionate; she remembers everything and forgives no one. Celeste is the kind of beautiful woman who makes the world stop and stare but she is paying a price for the illusion of perfection. New to town, single mom Jane is so young that another mother mistakes her for a nanny. She comes with a mysterious past and a sadness beyond her years. These three women are at different crossroads, but they will all wind up in the same shocking place.

Big Little Lies is a brilliant take on ex-husbands and second wives, mothers and daughters, schoolyard scandal, and the dangerous little lies we tell ourselves just to survive.

This is one of those books that has made the bestseller list, but didn't initially interest me. I'm desperate to finish my last 5 books before my birthday, though, so when I saw this was available, I just snapped it up and decided to power through it.

I was worried for nothing. I loved it. It was beautifully written, the story was funny and interesting and relatable. And I loved the twists. It kept me guessing. Although I did figure out one of the elements way before it was revealed. *pats self on back*

I really liked it. It's a bestseller for good reason. Two thumbs up.

Only 4 books to go! I can do it!


Sunday, August 9, 2015

Book #25: The Anatomist's Apprentice

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The Amazon synopsis:
The death of Sir Edward Crick has unleashed a torrent of gossip through the seedy taverns and elegant ballrooms of Oxfordshire. Few mourn the dissolute young man--except his sister, the beautiful Lady Lydia Farrell. When her husband comes under suspicion of murder, she seeks expert help from Dr. Thomas Silkstone, a young anatomist from Philadelphia. 

Thomas arrived in England to study under its foremost surgeon, where his unconventional methods only add to his outsider status. Against his better judgment he agrees to examine Sir Edward's corpse. But it is not only the dead, but also the living, to whom he must apply the keen blade of his intellect. And the deeper the doctor's investigations go, the greater the risk that he will be consigned to the ranks of the corpses he studies. . .

I'm not really sure what compelled me to read this book. Probably my love of the TV show Bones. I thought it'd be interesting to read about the beginning of forensic science - before computers and technological advances. It was interesting, albeit a little slow. The first half of the book is the slow unveiling of the events surrounding Edward's death and how Thomas gets involved in helping to solve his murder.  And then the second half is a ridiculous series of plot twists that finally reveal the killer. I say ridiculous because there were so many of them. First it seems to be one person, then another, then another, then finally the real murderer is revealed. I enjoy a good plot twist, but not 75 of them.

I liked this book because it was something different. Also, it was the suspense/mystery with romance that I so enjoy, surprisingly without gratuitous sex scenes! Win!

25 down. 5 to go!

Saturday, August 8, 2015

The Saturday 7

1. Lena had a WIC appointment this week. She made it to 25 lbs! Haha. Little shrimp. I'm always amazed at how nice the WIC employees are. They're not grumpy government workers. And, honestly, I think I'd be pretty grumpy if I worked there. I'd be so judgmental about women coming in saying they can't afford food, but playing on their iPhone. Which is ironic since I'm on WIC, but still manage to afford to go out to eat a couple times a week, and have a pretty nice smart phone myself. When will I ever learn?

2. Lucy starts school in 16 days. I've been trying to talk it up, and act like it's no big deal and she's going to love it and have so much fun. But one night this week, while we were snuggling in her bed, I finally asked her, "Do you think you're going to cry on your first day? Are you going to be sad or scared?" She said, "I'll probably cry a little bit. I'm not sad, but I am a little scared." Oh man. How am I not going to cry when I drop her off and she's crying? Lol. I hate that I've passed my anxiety on to her. I told her that I get scared when I start new things too, but after a couple days she'll make new friends and get used to it and have so much fun. I also made sure to tell her that I loved school. And I told her some funny stories that I remember from Kindergarten about kids wetting their pants and biting each other. Lol. I still haven't heard from the school about any kind of orientation/meet the teacher day. I'm really hoping there is one. I think that will ease Lucy's mind (and mine) to see her classroom again and know what to expect.

3. I read a book this week for the first time in ages. Perfect Touch by Elizabeth Lowell. The title should have been my warning, but I figured it wouldn't be that bad. The story was actually good. I love suspense/mystery with romance throughout. But of course, it had to get all sexually graphic! Gag. Why can't secular authors write a romance without explicit sex? I can handle some allusions to the deed, but I don't need all the details. Oy. Only 6 books to go and 9 weeks to finish them.

4. Lucy and Lena have been playing really well lately. (Of course. Right before Lucy's going to go off to school for 8 hours a day.) I love hearing them using their imaginations and having fun together. But after so many years of them needing my constant attention, I sometimes don't know what to do with myself when they're entertaining each other. Yesterday, the house was clean, the laundry was going, the bills were paid, and I just kind of wandered the house trying to find something to do! Haha.

5. Here's a funny story of the girls playing well together. I think I've mentioned before that Lucy is obsessed with YouTube videos. Well her newest obsession is watching daily vloggers. She watches "Ollie videos" about this family with a one year old named Ollie. I've watched some with her, and it is nothing that interesting. It's just a family chronicling their daily lives. Ollie throws his breakfast on the floor. The dog jumps in the pool. The mom puts on her make-up. Seriously. I don't know why Lucy loves it so much. But as a result, she loves to pretend that she's a vlogger. She spends a lot of the day narrating to her pretend camera. (Stuff like, "Hi, guys! Today I'm making lunch with my mom. We're having macaroni which is my faaaavorite!") She also loves to take my camera and make real videos. The other day, she had me watch one. She and Lena were having a naked day - each just in their undies or diaper. The video starts with Lucy panning down the front of herself and saying, "Hi guys! I'm naked today. We're going to have some naked fun! Hey Lena! Want to have some naked fun?!" Lol. I about spit out my Dr Pepper. Fortunately, my camera fills up so fast that Lucy deletes the videos almost as quickly as she takes them, so she can keep doing more. Haha.

6. I came across this on Pinterest recently and it really resonated with me:
I especially love the first two sentences. I feel so much pressure to get this parenting thing right, to lead my children to Jesus by my words and actions, and I fail so often. I love the reminder that I don't have to be their Holy Spirit. Jesus has the power to redeem my parenting failures and fill my kids in ways that I can't. Whew!

7. I've been a little depressed and restless lately - bogged down by the sameness of my daily life. So yesterday, I insisted that we do something fun together as a family. Justin spent an hour figuring out how to attach two kayaks to my car, we loaded up, and headed off to the lake for some good old fashioned fun.

We couldn't actually get both kayaks to fit on top of the car, so one had to go inside. Tight squeeze! Haha.
The boat launch is unfortunately close to the playground. Lena was totally uninterested in kayaking after seeing the swings. But we distracted her and piled into our kayaks anyway. Justin and Lucy did some fishing, while Lena and I paddled around aimlessly.

The most photogenic child in the world.
And then there's Lena, who refused to pose with me. Lol.
Lucy caught her first fish ever!
It was actually a pretty good size!
Lena started to get real bored after a while . . .
A little Adolph-esque.
We were actually only on the lake for about half an hour before Lena started to insist on going back to the playground and refused to sit down and made me very nervous. Haha. But Justin and Lucy each caught a fish, I was already getting sore from paddling, and it was starting to sprinkle, so we called it good. 

Now, a mere 18 hours later, I am unbearably sore from that half an hour excursion. Holy cow. My back and shoulders hurt soooooo much I can hardly move. Yikes. Out of shape much?

Hey! Look at that! I made it to 7 this week! Winner!!


Saturday, August 1, 2015

The Saturday 7

1. Justin and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary this week. We spent one night in Petoskey last weekend, ate good food, shopped the cute little boutiques (and marveled at the prices!), lounged on the beach, slept in!, and Justin even got to do a tiny bit of fishing. We took the scenic route on the way up (which didn't end up being that scenic) and realized anew that I am a terrible traveler. I got reeeeeeal grumpy after about 2 hours in the car. Needless to say, we took the more expedient route home.



2. After a very mild summer, we finally had some hot weather this week! We spent lots of time swimming and Lucy really got the hang of it. Until this week, she could swim flawlessly in the shallow end of the pool, but was terrified to try the deep end. Now, she zips right through it!

3. So today is the first day of August - which means my 30th birthday is in just over 2 months. After getting off to a great start, I'm not sure I'm going to complete my 30 Before 30 in time. I still have 7 books to go. And I've hardly read any Christian Living books like I intended. They just take me so long to get through. Time to get crack a lackin' . . .

4. The first of August also means that Lucy is starting school this month - in like 23 days. Holy cow. We went school shopping one day this week. I let her pick out a backpack, lunch box, and gym shoes. She is the strangest shopper. We got to the backpack aisle, she pointed to the first one she saw, and said "I'll take that one." I tried to show her a few others, but she stuck with her original. And she picked out the ugliest sneakers in the whole store. I was a mean mom and told her that she couldn't have them. She said, "I'm not you, Mommy. People like different things." Lol. Lucky for me, they didn't have her size in the ugly ones, so we compromised on just plain pink. Sidenote: she wears a size 12! I was shocked! I also bought her a bunch of skirts for school since she refuses to wear jeans. I made sure to buy the kind with shorts built in, so she doesn't flash her underwear to everyone at her Christian school. Haha.

5. I've kind of loved all the outrage over the Planned Parenthood debacle on facebook lately. I hope it's opening people's eyes and creating a platform to reveal how treacherous abortion really is. But then, I realized, that 90% of my facebook feed is made up of Christians and I doubt the rest of the world is really that riled up about it. Unbelievable.

I really have nothing else to say. We're just enjoying the lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer. A lot of swimming and lounging by the pool and hanging out with friends. Nothing too noteworthy. I hope you all are enjoying your summer as much!!
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