The Saturday 7

1. I spoke too soon about the girls adjusting flawlessly to school. Lena had an absolute psychotic meltdown Monday morning. Honestly, it was what I expected last week, but when she happily went into school every day I thought we dodged a bullet. Apparently it was a delayed bullet. She cried all morning on Monday, but I figured she was just tired because she stayed up late Sunday night. I watch Ruby on Mondays, so I had a van-full when I pulled into the pick-up lane. Lena refused to get out. I bodily hauled her out onto the sidewalk while she bawled, but she kept begging me to walk into school with her. First mistake: I gave in. I parked the car, got Levi and Ruby out, and walked Lena into her classroom. I sat at her desk with her for a couple minutes and told her I'd leave in 5 minutes. When I got up to go, she lost her ever-loving mind: shrieking, wailing, rolling on the floor, clinging to my ankles. The teacher tried to kindly draw her back into the classroom, but we were beyond reasoning at that point. While I juggled Ruby in the carseat, Levi at my side, and Lena clinging to me like a rabid barnacle, I attempted to squeeze out the door. When her teacher tried to pull her back into the room, Lena took off running down the hall! I grabbed her and was in the process of prying her off again when the secretary walked by. She gently asked, "Do you want me to take her?" and I said, "Yes, please!" Mrs. Montgomery peeled Lena off of me and dragged her into the classroom while Lena screamed at the top of her lungs and I booked it out of there! Thank goodness my friend Kelly was standing there to give me a hug and assure me that this wasn't the first or last time a kid would freak out about separating from their parents at drop-off time. I was just angry and embarrassed that it was my kid!

I spent all day praying for wisdom. If anyone can empathize with anxiety and irrational fear, it's me. But it's hard to know the line between coddling and comforting. When I picked the girls up later, Lena acted as if nothing had ever happened. (Her teacher had sweetly emailed me shortly after I left school to report that Lena had calmed down and was participating as usual in class.) I told Lena that she would go to her room immediately after school until she wrote an apology to her teacher. She would also go to bed early since she obviously needed more sleep. But I knew that I needed to deal with her underlying anxiety and separation issues. God, in his grace, filled me with ideas. That night, I went to Bible Study as usual and got a text from Lena (through Justin) asking that I wake her up early the next day so we could spend some time together. She was finally able to articulate to Justin that she used to spend all day with me and now she never got to spend any time with me. As we've already discovered, quality time is Lena's love language, so I obviously have to be more intentional about it now that she's at school full time.

So every morning this week, I got up 10 minutes early, lit a candle in the living room, woke Lena up, and snuggled with her on the couch - talking about the day to come. God also inspired me to give Lena something to look forward to while she's at school. So every morning we made a plan about what we would do after school. One day it was coloring, one day it was painting nails, playing a game, etc. And then came the big bribe: a date with me on Saturday if she could make it all week without a repeat performance of Monday.

It wasn't easy. She still cried every morning, still begged me not to make her go, and pleaded with me to go back to homeschooling her. But she really wanted that bribe, so she got out of the car every morning and walked into school, even if some days she was sobbing as she went. Ugh. Part of me feels like I'm damaging her psyche and should immediately pull her out. But the larger part of me realizes that this is exactly why she needs to go to school. This level of attachment to me is unnatural. And she always comes home from school smiling and full of stories from her day. It's just the initial "ripping off the band-aid" that is painful for both of us. Whoa. Sorry. That was a full entry on its own.

2. Today's hard-earned bribe reward was our one on one date. [Sidenote that as the "model student" this is hard for me. Lena is being rewarded for her misbehavior, while Lucy is completely left out for doing what was expected of her. But I can't do individual dates with each of them every weekend!] I was stressing about what we'd do that costs very little (you'll see why in the next point . . .) when I got an email from Michael's about their free fall drop-in class. Today only there was a free kid's craft. Lena got to make a cute little scarecrow and I forced myself not to browse the store or give in to her whining for candy, so it was truly a free date.

Safety first!

3. In the latest chapter of my van saga . . . since the last time I brought it in, it's been running smoothly. But Monday afternoon it started to freak out again: shaking, check engine light on, misfiring when changing gears. I ignored it for a while, but it just got worse and worse. So I brought it in Friday. Long story short, it's a lost cause. The mechanic basically told me it's not worth putting any more money into. 😭 But now that we're paying for Christian school, we have no money for a new vehicle. And we really don't want to go into more debt by financing something! I know y'all don't have a lot of sympathy for me since it was our choice to make a stupid financial decision by sending the girls back to an expensive school. Once again, I wonder if it's presumptuous to say, "God will provide." Did he really promise that? Regardless, I've been dabbling with the idea of getting a job. But I can really only work Tuesdays and Thursdays. And I really don't want to do retail or restaurants. (Wanna see how many times I can use the word "really" in one paragraph?) My dream job is working in a library . . . on Tuesdays and Thursdays . . . from 8:30-2:30. Hmmmm. My standards may be a bit high . . .

4. The good news is that despite the drama this week threw my way, I didn't fall into the pit of despair. I wasn't a sniveling lump after having my child physically peeled off my body, I haven't been the wicked witch of the west with all the extra time and affection Lena is requiring of me, I wallowed a little bit about my van, but it didn't send me into a spiral. So the magic cocktail of maxed out Zoloft, kids at school all day, and some (not enough) green vegetables every day seems to be working! I also got the test results from my blood draw: I'm totally normal! 😜 My hormone levels, thyroid, and cholesterol were all in the healthy zone. (Take that, everyone who says a diet of carbs and Dr Pepper is bad for me! 😂) Seriously though, I attribute my stability this week largely to God's grace and the prayers of many people. Thank you all!

5. Another thing with the potential to break me this week was this:

My parents officially listed their house. It might still break me when it actually sells (and I'm already planning an incredibly sappy blog entry about it), but this week it's just been fun to see the interest the listing generated. I feel like I probably shouldn't share their address, so if you really want the listing, message me. But I did steal some of the pictures to show you that I grew up in the original Farmhouse Chic.

I think they had 13 showings this week, and an open house scheduled for tomorrow (2-4 if you're in the area and want to see it for yourself!), so hopefully it'll sell soon!

6. A couple quick Levi notes to record: on Sunday we had lunch at Niki's after church and the kids swam (because the pool is heated - haha). I was inside playing cards while my nephew swam with the kids. All of a sudden Lucy was shouting for me to come watch. Levi was totally swimming - without a life jacket! He's 3.5 years old! I could not believe it, but he definitely was! Too bad it's the end of the summer and he'll probably lose his skills over the infinite winter, but hopefully they'll come back to him quickly next year! (Lena is filming the video from inside the house because it was raining, so sorry it's not very clear.)

And one more funny thing to remember: I got a pizza with black olives on it yesterday. Today he wanted a slice of my leftovers, but first he asked me to "Take off the tires." He thought the sliced black olives were tires! Lol

7. Lots more pictures (because this isn't long enough already!)

Fun with Ruby

"Aww, she's giving me a kiss!" Haha

 Levi and I went to Schwallier's with cousins on Tuesday.

Hamming it up with Elsie - my cousin's daughter

Fun in the corn crib

Corn angels with Elsie

This pic cracks me up. Elsie looking worried, Ruby looking to Levi to rescue her, Levi's little dimple, and Nash staring off into the distance. 

No trip to Schwallier's is complete without a donut.

After this pic, Levi stood up and started to walk away with the kitten. I asked where he was going and he replied, "I going to put the kitty down the slide." Don't worry. I intervened. Lol.

Working on letters

Lena's bite mark (on her thigh) from that sweet little boy pictured above. 😠😧

Lena got to tag along with her friend to "bring a friend" day at ballet class. Lena loooooved it and is begging to go. Another thing we can't afford. 🤦

I was looking at job listings just to see what's available. This one pays pretty well, but I don't think I'm quite that desperate yet!

I've had a box of frames sitting in the basement since we moved in in March. Today, I finally devoted time to arranging them how I want them, then Justin hung them for me.

Aren't they beautiful?!?! (I'm still waiting for some pics in the mail for a couple - including that collage of baby Lucy. It will be replaced.)