The Saturday 7

1. I was recently asked what my dream job is. I said, "librarian," but later wished I'd responded differently. You know what I really want to do? I want to name paint colors. Seriously. Who gets that job? One night this week I couldn't even sleep because I kept thinking of ideas. Marshmallow White. Sunny-Side-Up Yellow. Tutu Pink. Canyon Brown. Of course it's a delicate balance of accurately describing a color and making it something someone wants on their walls. Breastfed-Baby-Poop Yellow is evocative, but not very alluring. See also: Pea Soup Green or Brain Matter Grey. Or there's just random adjectives - often alliterative. Whimsical White. Reverent Red. Passionate Purple. I was made for this job. Someone hook me up.

2. I struggled with depression a little bit this week. I just could not force myself to be productive, instead succumbing to lethargy most of the time. I think the driving factor was Levi's screen time obsession. He wakes up ridiculously early, so I let him play on my phone or watch TV until I get up. But the second I tell him to turn it off, he turns into a limp noodle, whining, "What can I doooo?? I'm so bored! How long until the next screen time?" This is what I dread the most about summer - keeping him entertained. The girls are excellent at entertaining themselves, but Levi completely lacks that skill. And then I'm overcome with guilt that I've let him become so dependent on screens or that I don't enjoy entertaining him or that I spent so many summers with the girls doing craft projects or summer fun activities that I just don't have the desire or energy to do with my last kid. And that begins my depression spiral. Ugh. He got a little better toward the end of the week. I turned on some audio books and he ended up playing with Hot Wheels cars while listening. But it's a constant fight - both against his screen time addiction and my own tendencies toward depression.

3. I actually found myself looking forward to going to work this week because it meant a break from being responsible for his entertainment. I always work the closing shift, and there are a variety of tasks we're responsible for before we can leave each night. I've been there for a month now, but I only work 3 nights a week and the shift leaders have been nice in giving me easy assignments so far. This week, however, I was assigned bathroom cleaning duty for the first time. The employee bathroom was no big deal. But the toilet in the customer bathroom was clogged with nastiness that I had to unclog before I could even clean it. *shudder* Welcome to working retail. I bet paint-chip-namers don't have to unclog public toilets.

4. The job I got assigned last night was hauling everything inside that had been on the sidewalk out front. It was a bunch of strollers and bikes, but also a train table and a couple of toy boxes that I carried in by myself. Big mistake. My back has been a hot mess ever since then. 🤦 After a week of lethargy and avoiding housework, I had big plans to get caught up today, but I could hardly bear to be off my couch all day. I'm thankful that Justin is willing to help, but it's just another thing to feel guilty about. I work 15 hours a week in an air conditioned building. He works 40+ out in the blazing heat. The least I can do is keep the house clean.

5. The thing that's so annoying about depression is that I have a beautiful life and no reason to be depressed. We spent a couple days at the pool this week, and how can you be depressed with this view?

I'm so thankful to have a husband who works hard so I can enjoy this life. I'm thankful for a job that allows me to work 3 short evenings a week so I can contribute a little bit financially, but still have the summer with my kids. I'm thankful for my sister who so graciously allows us to use this pool anytime we want. I just need to buck up.

6. Now for a bit of good news: you don't need to harass me about making a doctor's appointment. Not only did I make an appointment, but I already went to it! They got me in yesterday. I showed up with my 12 page food/belly-ache log, and after the doctor perused it, she said, "I don't see any water here." I told her I don't drink water, only Dr Pepper. Lol. She seems to think that, and the lack of fiber in my diet, might be a huge contributing factor. She wants me to focus on that for a while and report back. But she also ordered blood work and an x-ray of my abdomen just to rule out anything else. When the nurse first took my blood pressure, she said, "I'm going to try that again." She did it again and got the same result: 96/60. I may be overweight and eat a diet solely of carbs, sugar, and dairy, but I've got some pretty excellent blood pressure! I was also surprised by the number on the scale. I'm down 7 pounds since I went to Urgent Care for strep throat in April. I guess all these stomach problems do come with some benefit! Haha.

Anyway, the real fun started when I went to get my blood drawn. Now listen, I am not afraid of needles. I did not quiver in fear when they told me I had to get my blood drawn. But the poor phlebotomist could not get my veins to cooperate. This is a common problem. I warned her from the beginning that most phlebotomists have to use the butterfly needle on me. She tried each arm a couple times - inserting the needle and pushing it around trying to get the blood to flow - then decided to go get a different phlebotomist. When the new lady came in, I immediately started to feel really light headed. I warned her that I wasn't feeling the best, so she put an ice pack on my neck and told me to lean forward . . . and then I passed out. Lol. It is so embarrassing. They got me into a recliner to lay down, and I came to, but I was drenched in sweat and could hardly open my eyes or lift my arms. They gave me some juice to guzzle and I slowly recovered. I told the lady that I was feeling better and she said, "Yeah, I can see the color coming back into your face," so I'm sure I looked a fright. Haha. They decided to give me a break and sent me off for the x-ray, which was easy-peasy. Then I came back to try again. The new lady did it from the get-go this time, got a vein immediately, sucked out two vials of my blood, and had me bandaged up before I could blink. I felt totally fine, got up, and walked out of there with an apology for creating a scene.

As far as I can tell from the online results, my x-ray looks fine and most of my bloodwork was normal. My glucose was slightly elevated, but could that be from passing out and then chugging juice just before my blood was drawn? I'm going with that over being pre-diabetic, because that would really cramp my lifestyle and my Dr Pepper habits. I did get a call while I was at work last night, though, to call their office at my convenience. So I'll call on Monday and see what the doctor has to say.

7. On to memes . . .