The Saturday 7

We are in the home stretch toward summer! And I have two weeks to catch up on because I was lazy last week and skipped blogging.

1. Niki started heating her pool and the kids were quick to take advantage of it.

2. I've been doing terribly with reading. I've only read 28 books this year. What a slacker. Goodreads says I'm 13 behind if I'm going to make it to my goal of 100 by the end of the year. I better plow through some books this summer! Anyway, I did read one good book in the past couple of weeks: The Outlaw Noble Salt by Amy Harmon. It's a fictional story about Butch Cassidy. Of course, some of the details and events are based in truth, but Harmon weaved in a completely imaginary romance that was just lovely. Haha. I've read some of her stuff before, and this wasn't as clean as I expected, but it wasn't explicit or anything. I'd recommend it!

3. We went to Luke and Esther's house on the lake on Sunday for Memorial Day. It was cloudy and cool, so I stayed inside the whole time. Justin, Levi, Luke, and Ruby went out fishing for a while, though. Levi's really getting the fishing bug.

We spent actual Memorial Day at home, cleaning and lounging and taking funny Snapchat selfies.

4. Things are winding down for me at school. A few of my classes canceled library for the last week because they're busy cramming in last minute parties and field trips. I just have two more days this week, then I'm off to a life of leisure! Except for my other job, of course. I'll be switching to evenings at Once Upon once school is done. That's where I started and I enjoyed the evening shift. But it's all new people now and I don't know any of them! So I'm a little nervous to make the switch. Once Upon was actually bananas this week, and people have been so mean! I work on the "buy" side now, so I help check people in and give them an estimate of how long it will take us to go through their stuff. I don't know if it's the changing of the seasons, or the fact that everyone's kids are almost done with school, but we were totally slammed with buys this week. They were piled behind the counter, in front of the counter, along the front windows, etc. We were obviously in over our heads, and yet people still come in and demand preferential treatment. I can't tell you how many times I said, "We're quoting out 'til tomorrow" and people would say, "Ok, I'll just come back this evening, then."

My "customer service" face when I want to say, "What part of tomorrow do you not understand?!"

And then there are the people who say, "Well I drove an hour to get here, so . . ." like they expect me to bypass allllll the other buys that are clearly ahead of them and say, "Oh, in that case, we'll just push you to the front of the line." That's not how it works people! The world does not revolve around you! Grr. Ask me how I really feel. Lol.

5. Our real drama of the week, though, has been Lena's anxiety. She had a really great school year. Her teacher just said to me, "If you hadn't told me that she has anxiety, I never would've known." But there was a sudden shift this week. Out of the blue, she started randomly breaking down in tears. When I asked her what was wrong, she always said, "I'm afraid you're going to die." That's a tough one because I can't promise her that I won't. I just tried to reassure her that there's no reason to think I'll die, and even if I do she'll be ok. God will be with her. Our family will be with her. I even said, "Maybe Daddy will remarry someone who will be an even better mom than me." She was gracious enough to respond, "That's not possible!" Lol.

She went to school fine the first part of the week, but by Thursday she reached the tipping point. I work at school on Thursdays, so we walked in like usual and she headed down to her class like usual, but before the bell even rang she was in my office crying and hyperventilating. By this point, she couldn't even articulate what she was afraid of. She said it wasn't me dying, and she couldn't think of anything else, she just had a massive physical sensation of fear. We tried all the things: praying, breathing exercises, distraction, music, etc. Nothing was helping. Eventually I realized she was having a full-blown panic attack, and there's not much you can do but wait it out. I let her stay in my office for an hour. Within half an hour she had calmed down, but the second I brought up going back to class, I could see visible panic overtake her. Finally, I got her to agree to go to my parents' house, and she was fine there all day. But anytime I said anything about going to school Friday, she lost it again.

I had actually scheduled a doctor appointment for her on Wednesday evening, but they couldn't get us in until next week. So when I had a break between classes on Thursday, I called the nurse line to get some advice. I think I've shared before that I am so torn about putting her on medication. I was an anxious child just like her - possibly even worse in some ways. But in the 90s no one thought about "childhood anxiety" or SSRIs. I was just a worry-wart. It wasn't until I was in my 20s that I finally went on medication for the first time . . . and it changed my life. The relief was incredible. And I want that for Lena, but I'm so hesitant to start her on something when she's 11 years old! Anyway, this week finally gave me the final nudge I needed. When I called the nurse, I asked if Lena could have xanax or something fast-acting just to get her through the last week of school. And suddenly they could squeeze us in for an appointment that afternoon!

The doctor did exactly what my research predicted: she suggested starting Lena on a very low dose of Prozac (it's been studied the most in kids). When I pressed about something that could give her relief faster than it takes an SSRI to kick in, she said that kids can't have xanax, but she wrote a prescription for Atarax. It's actually an antihistamine, but it's shown to have immediate anxiety relief in kids! It's not meant to be used long-term, but is perfect for Lena's situation. She took her first dose that night, didn't have any adverse reactions, and actually reported feeling much calmer and less anxious! But it only lasted about 3 hours before it wore off and she could feel the anxiety creeping back in. The dosage instructions say to take it every six hours, so she started panicking again about how she'd make it through a full school day. She went to my parents' again on Friday and did fine there without taking any medication.

She was fine all day today until I brought up going back to school on Monday. So I'm starting to make some connections. I really think she's anxious about being anxious. She's afraid that feeling is going to come over her at school again and she won't be able to control it. She'll start crying and everyone will look at her and ask what's wrong, and unwanted attention is the bane of her existence. I tried to give her some coping mechanisms, like having a signal with her teacher and leaving the room if she needs to get herself under control, but she hated that idea and got so worked up while we were talking about it that I made her go take a dose of the Atarax. I sent a message to the doctor asking if she could take it more than once in six hours, but I haven't gotten a response yet.

Whoa. That was long. But I want it for my records. Please don't say anything to Lena about it. It's best if people treat her like they always have. Talking about it only makes it worse. But feel free to pray for her - and us as we make decisions about medication and know how best to help her.

6. Better just go straight to the pics and memes since that last point was so long:

Ruby and Casper came over on Wednesday night. I couldn't pry Cap away from all Levi's cars and trains, but Ruby had fun flying kites with Lena and Levi.