Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Miscarriage #2

I've been debating over whether or not to write this entry because I don't want to come across as an attention whore. But it keeps rattling around in my brain and I just need to get it out! So here goes . . .

I had a miscarriage this weekend. I was actually pretty far along - 10 weeks. I was keeping it a secret so I wouldn't have to tell everyone if I lost it, but I don't know who I was kidding. If I have a story to tell, I'll tell it!

*Disclaimer #1: Parts of this entry are very graphic. Read at your own risk.*
*Disclaimer #2: It's going to be very long. Haha.*

I started spotting on Saturday night. By Sunday night, it was bright red and I had no doubt I was miscarrying. Justin worked a half day on Monday, then took me to the doctor for an ultrasound. They only found a sac with a non-viable embryo, measuring 6 weeks. (I should've been 10 weeks, 3 days.) The doctor said that now that I've had 2 miscarriages, they'll run tests on the baby. If nothing shows up there, they'll test me to see if there's a reason I seem to have trouble carrying babies to term. I'm extremely grateful my doctor is being so proactive. She gave me the option of collecting the tissue on my own (*shudder*) or having a D&C so they can collect it. I scheduled my D&C for Tuesday morning at 7:30 am.

Last night, around 9:45, I was watching the Bachelor when all of the sudden I started gushing blood. I went to the bathroom and realized I was bleeding way too much, put a call into the on-call doctor, and laid on my bathroom floor trying not to pass out. The on-call doctor urged me to go to the ER. So for the second time that day, Justin drove me down to the hospital. (That's where my doctor's office is located.)

We got to the ER at 11:00 and they had me back in a room within 15 minutes. Doctors and nurses were in and out, putting an IV in and asking me lots of questions. I was in a lot of pain from all the cramping, and begging the doctor to give me drugs. Haha. After a while, I really had to pee, so I called a nurse. They sent in this poor 20 year old guy. He helped me stand up and the floodgates opened. Blood started gushing down my legs, pooling on the floor, splattering everywhere. (I told you this would be graphic. Lol.) I got back in bed, and 2 male doctors came in to give me the most horrible pelvic exam ever. It took everything within me not to cry, scream, or kick the doctor in the head!

Fortunately, they determined I was bleeding too much to send home and decided to do the D&C. They warned me that since I wasn't life-threatening they wouldn't bump any scheduled surgeries and I might have to wait a while. 5 minutes later while another poor nurse was sopping everything off the floor the doctor came back in and said they had an OR for me. While we were waiting to be taken up, Justin said, "I'm glad I didn't just eat. All that blood was nasty." Lol.

The surgery itself was great. I got right in. They gave me some glorious drugs that made me giggly. Then the anesthesiologist said, "I'm going to give you the stuff that will make you fall asleep. It'll probably take 10-15 seconds." I decided to count to see how long it would take. I didn't even make it to 1. Haha.

I woke up in recovery, not in any pain except for where the tube had been in my throat. We never saw another patient the entire time we were in pre-op or recovery. I had the whole place to myself! By this time, it was about 2 am and poor Justin was trying to stay awake by playing games on his iPod.

After a while, the nurse had me get up and walk across the room to the bathroom. I walked fine, got dressed fine, and got situated in my wheelchair. She pushed me down the hall, down the elevator, and 3/4 of the way to the exit before I started to get reeeeal dizzy and hot. I said, "I'm going to pass out . . ." and the next thing I know, I was waking up staring at the ceiling with the nurse telling me to take deep breaths. Haha. My chin was all wet. I asked Justin if I puked or drooled or something and he said, "You kind of sneezed. Twice." Lol - I still giggle everytime I think of the picture I must have made: slumped in the wheelchair, mouth hanging open, sneezing??

They took me back up to recovery until I was more stable, then finally let me go home. We pulled into our driveway at 4:30 am. Oh, I forgot to mention that Libby was here already on Monday night. She planned to spend the night and watch Lucy so I wouldn't have to drop her off somewhere before my D&C. So that worked perfectly that Libby just stayed with Lucy. She brought her to Niki's on her way to work in the morning and Justin and I slept in! (He took the day off of work.)

Ok, that's the big long story. I'm really doing ok. I'm feeling surprisingly good. No cramping at all, and very little bleeding. I'm just a little weak and tired from the blood loss and the anesthesia.

It's when something like this happens that I really realize how loved and blessed I am. I texted my mom and sisters all night. They (and so many others) were praying for me. And everyone has been so eager to help. Libby watched Lucy, got up early with her, and took her to Niki's. Niki watched Lucy allll day so Justin and I could sleep and relax. My parents picked Lucy up and brought us pizza for dinner. Niki even made Justin a cake - did I mention today is his birthday? I have to thank him too. He has been there every step of the way with me, holding my hand, getting me anything I need, telling me to take my time in recovery and not worry about how tired he was. He pretty much gave up his birthday to be at my beck and call. I love him so much.

This entry is long enough, but soon I'll write an entry about how I'm doing emotionally. In short, I'm doing extremely well. I cried it out on Saturday night, and have kind of moved onto anger/annoyance. But I'm not a wreck, I'm not totally devastated. I'm ok.

Congratulations if you made it to the end of this insanely long post! Love you all.

7 comments:

  1. Wow sadie! what a story. Difficult, funny, sad and honest. Hope you heal well and praying you will feel hopeful also!

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  2. Oh, Sadie, I'm so sorry! I love how you write...so honest and so funny all at the same time. I feel like we're sitting over a cup of coffee when I read your blogs. :) Praying for you, sister, and for Justin too. So thankful you seem to be doing okay!!

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  3. Sweet Sadie. I'm so very, very sorry for your loss. I'm sure your written processing will help the healing and bring a special memory in years to come. I'm so glad Justin is a soul-mate in sickness, health, and despite birthdays. Hugs from across the world.

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  4. Thanks for sharing your story. Your's sounded like a combination of my two -- my first was a surprise trip to the ER one evening after work (so I know exactly what you mean when you talk about floodgates ;) , and the second we had an ultrasound that showed an empty sac and scheduled a D&C for a few days later (so I understand all of the anesthesia stories -- being out immediately after they put the mask on, waking up in a completely empty recovery room!) . Oh and Rocky was completely grossed out by so much blood too, and survived. :)

    Emotionally I was ok too. There were definitely times in the following weeks that were rough, and the time around each expected due date was tough. Just remember that there are women out there who have been through it too, and we all have survived and have stories to share! Hang in there, and give Justin and Lucy extra hugs today.

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  5. I definitely read it all. That bleeding is scary - it happened to Beka about a week after she had the their third boy. She has also had a couple miscarriages along the way. Anyway, you've definitely got my prayers.

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  6. I am so sorry that this has happened. I can't imagine a loss like this. So glad you have had such awesome support from Justin and your family. Thinking of you and praying for physical and emotional healing!

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