The Saturday 7
I feel like I have a lot to write about today! Be forewarned, this is going to be long.
1. Let's start with Lucy's new words of the week: owie, bowl, and duck (it sounds identical to "dog")
2. Here's a mom of the year story. I buy deli turkey every week when we go grocery shopping. We always have to wait forever at the deli counter, so I try to entertain Lucy. I inevitably end up saying, "We're getting some turkey. What does the turkey say?" And then we gobble together. Well this week, I was eating a turkey sandwich and she really wanted it. I broke off a piece of bread to give her, but she shook her head and said, "Gobble gobble gobble!" Lol. She thinks turkey meat is called "gobble gobble gobble." Oops!
3. Last Saturday, Justin and I went to Olive Garden with my long lost friend Carissa. We were best friends in high school, and roommates our first year of college, but we don't see each other very much anymore. Anyway, Carissa just got married, so we all went out to meet Phil. It was great to catch up again! Carissa is pregnant and due the same day I was supposed to be with this last baby. I'm a little sad that we won't be able to experience pregnancy together and have our babies together, but I'm so excited for her!!
4. And now a story about a new friend. Over the past year, Niki and I have really gotten to know Becky from our Ladies' Bible Study, and I just have to write about what a great friend she is. She is seriously one of the most generous people I know. She gave us a play kitchen for Lucy, I've babysat a couple of times for her and she always pays me way too much, and she always brings tons of snacks to Bible Study. If I ever mention needing something, she almost always says "Oh I've got one of those in my basement. Come on over and get it!" Haha. Well on Sunday I was feeling ambitious, so I got up early and went to Sunday School. When the class was over, Becky handed me a gift bag and said, "This is for you." It's not my birthday or anything, so I was kind of confused. I pulled out this:
It's the Willow Tree Angel of Miracles. Becky wrote in the card that my baby was a miracle even though he/she didn't make it and she wanted me to have something to remember him/her by. How sweet is she??!!
Another of my friends recently had a miscarriage and wrote the sweetest letter to her baby. I was feeling a little guilty that I didn't do anything to remember my baby by. I'm so happy to have that little figurine now. Thank you, Becky! I love you!
5. So you may have seen on facebook that I had a little emotional breakdown this week. Haha. I forgot to refill my Paxil in time and ended up going 2 days without taking it. Holy moley. I didn't realize how much it would affect me! I'm on the lowest dose - and technically I'm on it for anxiety - but apparently it's controlling some latent depression too. Or I'm so addicted that the withdrawals induced depression. Either way, it was a rough couple of days. I walked around in tears, convinced that I'm inadequate in every area of my life - my marriage, parenting, my job, even my relationship with God. It was amazing how I could feel the difference when I finally started taking my pills again. Whew! Thank goodness for modern medicine! (Although I've always said they could just be giving me sugar pills - I'm sure most of it is in my head. Haha.)
6. Of course, I read another chapter of Radical in the midst of my emotional turmoil. I know a lot of you told me to quit reading it, but we're doing it for Bible Study, so I keep plowing through. And it goes against my nature just to put the book down and say "This is too hard for me." I have to work it out. So this week's chapter was about giving to the poor. The author (David Platt) says that if you don't have compassion for the poor, you don't have God in you. That just rubbed me the wrong way.
I do have compassion for the poor - especially women and children in third world countries who are pretty much helpless to change their circumstances. But saying that I have to give to them in order to be a Christian just added to my feelings of inadequacy. I started get frustrated with God, feeling like his love isn't unconditional. I sometimes feel like he's saying, "Of course I love you. I loved you so much I sent my son to die for you. But now you have to do something for me. You have to give to the poor, sacrifice your hopes and dreams, and be willing to go anywhere and do anything for me in order to be worthy of my continuing love." Ugh. I know how sacrilegious that sounds. I can see all of your hackles raising, telling me that God loves me unconditionally no matter what I do for him.
But I feel like the Bible doesn't always agree with that. Platt pointed to the story of the sheep and the goats in Matthew 25. God is separating the people based on who gave to the poor. Not based on who believed in him or who accepted his gift of salvation. Jesus also says, "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord' will enter the kingdom of heaven." And even the demons believe there's a God. So it just goes back to the question I've had for years: How much do I have to do after salvation to be accepted by God?
I'm realizing now I should've written a whole post on that. Haha. We'll just let that count as 2 points in the Saturday 7.
Thanks for bearing with me as I struggle with this same issue over and over and over again. I'm hoping that eventually God will give me an answer and I can write a book about it. :-) Maybe it'll be a bestseller and I can give all the money I earn to the poor. ;-)
1. Let's start with Lucy's new words of the week: owie, bowl, and duck (it sounds identical to "dog")
2. Here's a mom of the year story. I buy deli turkey every week when we go grocery shopping. We always have to wait forever at the deli counter, so I try to entertain Lucy. I inevitably end up saying, "We're getting some turkey. What does the turkey say?" And then we gobble together. Well this week, I was eating a turkey sandwich and she really wanted it. I broke off a piece of bread to give her, but she shook her head and said, "Gobble gobble gobble!" Lol. She thinks turkey meat is called "gobble gobble gobble." Oops!
3. Last Saturday, Justin and I went to Olive Garden with my long lost friend Carissa. We were best friends in high school, and roommates our first year of college, but we don't see each other very much anymore. Anyway, Carissa just got married, so we all went out to meet Phil. It was great to catch up again! Carissa is pregnant and due the same day I was supposed to be with this last baby. I'm a little sad that we won't be able to experience pregnancy together and have our babies together, but I'm so excited for her!!
4. And now a story about a new friend. Over the past year, Niki and I have really gotten to know Becky from our Ladies' Bible Study, and I just have to write about what a great friend she is. She is seriously one of the most generous people I know. She gave us a play kitchen for Lucy, I've babysat a couple of times for her and she always pays me way too much, and she always brings tons of snacks to Bible Study. If I ever mention needing something, she almost always says "Oh I've got one of those in my basement. Come on over and get it!" Haha. Well on Sunday I was feeling ambitious, so I got up early and went to Sunday School. When the class was over, Becky handed me a gift bag and said, "This is for you." It's not my birthday or anything, so I was kind of confused. I pulled out this:
Another of my friends recently had a miscarriage and wrote the sweetest letter to her baby. I was feeling a little guilty that I didn't do anything to remember my baby by. I'm so happy to have that little figurine now. Thank you, Becky! I love you!
5. So you may have seen on facebook that I had a little emotional breakdown this week. Haha. I forgot to refill my Paxil in time and ended up going 2 days without taking it. Holy moley. I didn't realize how much it would affect me! I'm on the lowest dose - and technically I'm on it for anxiety - but apparently it's controlling some latent depression too. Or I'm so addicted that the withdrawals induced depression. Either way, it was a rough couple of days. I walked around in tears, convinced that I'm inadequate in every area of my life - my marriage, parenting, my job, even my relationship with God. It was amazing how I could feel the difference when I finally started taking my pills again. Whew! Thank goodness for modern medicine! (Although I've always said they could just be giving me sugar pills - I'm sure most of it is in my head. Haha.)
6. Of course, I read another chapter of Radical in the midst of my emotional turmoil. I know a lot of you told me to quit reading it, but we're doing it for Bible Study, so I keep plowing through. And it goes against my nature just to put the book down and say "This is too hard for me." I have to work it out. So this week's chapter was about giving to the poor. The author (David Platt) says that if you don't have compassion for the poor, you don't have God in you. That just rubbed me the wrong way.
I do have compassion for the poor - especially women and children in third world countries who are pretty much helpless to change their circumstances. But saying that I have to give to them in order to be a Christian just added to my feelings of inadequacy. I started get frustrated with God, feeling like his love isn't unconditional. I sometimes feel like he's saying, "Of course I love you. I loved you so much I sent my son to die for you. But now you have to do something for me. You have to give to the poor, sacrifice your hopes and dreams, and be willing to go anywhere and do anything for me in order to be worthy of my continuing love." Ugh. I know how sacrilegious that sounds. I can see all of your hackles raising, telling me that God loves me unconditionally no matter what I do for him.
But I feel like the Bible doesn't always agree with that. Platt pointed to the story of the sheep and the goats in Matthew 25. God is separating the people based on who gave to the poor. Not based on who believed in him or who accepted his gift of salvation. Jesus also says, "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord' will enter the kingdom of heaven." And even the demons believe there's a God. So it just goes back to the question I've had for years: How much do I have to do after salvation to be accepted by God?
I'm realizing now I should've written a whole post on that. Haha. We'll just let that count as 2 points in the Saturday 7.
Thanks for bearing with me as I struggle with this same issue over and over and over again. I'm hoping that eventually God will give me an answer and I can write a book about it. :-) Maybe it'll be a bestseller and I can give all the money I earn to the poor. ;-)
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