The Saturday 7

1. Thank you everyone who prayed that school would go better for us this week. I can only explain Lucy's change of attitude as divine intervention. She's still by no means overjoyed to do anything, but she did it all much more willingly this week. Whew! We actually had fun with one activity: measuring Noah's ark. Did you know that a cubit is the length from fingertip to elbow? It's estimated as 18 inches. So we measured out 10 cubits' worth of string, then stretched it over our sidewalk 30 times to see the visual of 300 cubits. Can you see the girls on the sidewalk in this picture? That's how far 300 cubits is.

Wowza! It really made me want to go the Ark museum in Kentucky. Maybe someday . . .

2. I took a break from Harry Potter this week. I've started the first chapter of book 5 at least 3 times, but just can't force myself to keep going. I went back to my Christian fiction roots, instead, and read Now and Then and Always by Melissa Tagg. Loved it. Read it in 5 straight hours (until 1:30 am). There's just no denying that's so much more up my alley. Sorry, Harry.

3. I've had a weird new twist to my depression this week. Starting at around 2:00 every afternoon, I am overcome with exhaustion - like I can hardly function. I took a few naps this week. But then, at 5:00ish, the depression kicks in. I remember having this problem when Lucy was a newborn. Every night at dinner time, I'd be consumed by anxiety. Then it was anxiety about when or if she would sleep that night, coupled with wanting a break from nursing every 2 hours. Now, the only thing I can think of is that I'm burned out by my kids. I've done meals and homeschool and some kind of afternoon entertainment/outing. I'm exhausted and don't want to make dinner or clean up the subsequent dinner dishes, or clean up the disastrous house for that matter. Tears start to burn behind my eyes, and I feel totally defeated and done. I almost start to panic about filling the next 4 hours with my kids until bedtime. And I suppose there is a certain amount of anxiety about when or if Levi will go to sleep, so there's that too. I've been wondering if it's possible that my antidepressant (Zoloft) wears off around dinner time? I take it at night when I go to bed (so usually around midnight). And I've been taking it for years, so it seems odd that I'd just now start having this problem. Oy.

4. At my counseling appointment yesterday, the therapist asked me what I like to do for fun. I said, "Sit on my couch binge watching Netflix, eating junk food, and scrolling through facebook and pinterest." She said, "That's not fun. That's escape. What do you like to do?" And I couldn't think of anything. I finally said that I like to read and play games. How lame is that? Later, I remembered I could've said thrift shopping. My counselor said I need to work on finding activities that bring me joy outside of my kids. And all I could think was, "I have neither time nor money for hobbies." Plus, it would just be one more thing that makes me want to be away from my kids. I have major guilt about how often I want to get away from them. My first reaction when Justin says, "What do you want to do tonight?" is "Ditch these kids and go somewhere quiet." It feels very vulnerable to even admit that. Please tell me I'm not alone.

5. The other thing we discussed in counseling was love languages. After taking the quiz, mine was far and away "Acts of Service." She suggested that I have my kids take the quiz as well, so I did it with the girls when I got home. I was not surprised by the results: Lena got Quality Time, and Lucy got Gifts. So now I have something else to be guilty about: Lena receives love through quality time, and I just want to be left alone. 🤦

6. In less depressing news, we had a fun day today. Justin played soccer in the alumni scrimmage at our old stomping grounds. He was by far the oldest alumnus there (by almost 10 years - lol), and I sat on the bleachers with our 3 kids ("all because two people fell in love" 😂) wondering how on earth it's been 16 years since we graduated!! 😮 I have so many memories at the school, and it still breaks my heart every time we go there that my kids probably won't get the same experience.

Justin's dad came to watch for a while, and got roped into playing with the kids.

There wasn't much of a showing from the alumni, so they played with only 9 guys. And Justin definitely held his own. How many 34 year old guys can play a full game of soccer against high schoolers? Thank you, manual labor job, good genes, and summer soccer leagues with the college buddies.

After the game, I dropped the fam off at home, then went to an Escape Room event our church was putting on. I'd never done an escape room before, so I didn't know what to expect. It was chaotic and stressful, and I'm not sure I contributed much to our escaping attempts, but it was super fun, and we made it out with over 3 minutes to spare! Whew!!

7. Pictures (get used to lots of them now that I have a decent camera on my phone!)