Adventures in La La Land

This entry is a little more TMI than usual, so my male readers should consider themselves forewarned. Haha. 1. In reading up on so many homeschool websites lately, I've seen a major emphasis on sensory play - aka messy play. I am not a fan of messy. I think Lucy has fingerpainted appro ximately once in her life. I don't let Lena use her own fork or spoon. I don't even really like play-doh. But this week, we discovered a brilliant form of "sensory play" that even I can live with. I spent too much time in the sun last weekend, and don't tan like I used to, so I ended up with a big ole sunburn. Lucy overheard me asking Justin to put lotion on my back and said, "I want to put lotion on your back!" Ding ding ding! Sensory play. She has spent many moments this week slathering me in lotion. How about that for a win/win situation?  2. After spending last weekend in my swimsuit, it became apparent that wearing it while nursing two babies over the course of...

Today marks 5 years since I lost our first baby. I was so excited to find out I was pregnant. I took the test in Chase and Lyla's bathroom and was shocked when the positive result popped up. On my way home from work that day, I bought a digital test because I didn't believe the line test. The word "pregnant" appeared almost immediately and I stood in the bathroom with tears in my eyes.  I was determined to keep it a secret and do all kinds of fun reveals. I knew I should have waited to hear a heartbeat or something, but I couldn't resist revealing on Mother's Day. So we told everyone. They were all so excited for us and I was on cloud nine.  I was so shocked to start bleeding at 9 weeks. It was bright red, which I knew was a bad sign. It was the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend so I had to wait to go to the doctor. Justin came with me to the ultrasound. I remember the tech saying the baby was only measuring 6 weeks and there wasn't a heartbeat. I don...

1. Lucy is obsessed with reading books to herself this week. She makes me stack all her books in one big pile next to her pillow, then plops down and "reads" every single one. Usually a couple times. I  love  it! 2. Justin and I made a list of the good things that will come of not  having a baby this fall. He'll be able to coach at Northpointe again. I was due on August 17, and soccer usually starts around August 10. I was putting the kabosh on coaching this year, but no more!  I'll be able to work longer (I was going to quit my job when the baby was born), and pay down more of our debt. (Hopefully we didn't just accrue some more debt with the hospital bills.) I don't have to stress about getting Lucy potty trained, in a big girl bed, and broken of her binkies as quickly. I won't be pregnant all summer. I'll be able to go to Ladies' Retreat. (I wasn't sure I'd be able to go, since the baby would be 1 month old.) I can go back to dri...

I found out I was pregnant on December 9, 2011. I was overjoyed . . . and terrified. [Xanga entry about my terror here ] We had been trying for a couple months. I had prayed that God would let me get pregnant in his timing - when Lucy would be ready to be a big sister and when Justin and I would be ready to be parents to 2 kids. So when it happened that quickly, I was nervous, but confident that God had a plan. I didn't expect his plan to include a miscarriage. Justin and I agreed to keep the pregnancy a secret until Christmas. We told his parents on Christmas Eve, and I made this to announce it to my family on Christmas morning: I was only 6 weeks along, and knew it was a little bit of a risk to announce it so early, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity for a Christmas surprise. I took a video of Lucy unwrapping the picture frame and Niki crying when she realized what it said. It breaks my heart, now, to watch it. It breaks my heart that the shirt Lucy's wearing in ...

I've been debating over whether or not to write this entry because I don't want to come across as an attention whore. But it keeps rattling around in my brain and I just need to get it out! So here goes . . . I had a miscarriage this weekend. I was actually pretty far along - 10 weeks. I was keeping it a secret so I wouldn't have to tell everyone if I lost it, but I don't know who I was kidding. If I have a story to tell, I'll tell it! *Disclaimer #1: Parts of this entry are very graphic. Read at your own risk.* *Disclaimer #2: It's going to be very long. Haha.* I started spotting on Saturday night. By Sunday night, it was bright red and I had no doubt I was miscarrying. Justin worked a half day on Monday, then took me to the doctor for an ultrasound. They only found a sac with a non-viable embryo, measuring 6 weeks. (I should've been 10 weeks, 3 days.) The doctor said that now that I've had 2 miscarriages, they'll run tests on the baby. If no...