The Saturday 7

1. On Tuesday morning, I glanced out the window as the kids were getting ready for school and noticed there were smashed pumpkins in our street. My heart sunk a little bit as I crept down the stairs and out the front door to check our front porch. Sure enough, where there once had been 3 pumpkins, there were now only two. Lena, of course, noticed my absence and followed me out. She laughed at the squashed pumpkin. When Levi joined the party, he was not as jovial. It was his Halloween pumpkin, that he had painstakingly decorated that was smashed to smithereens in the street.

I tried to explain that his pumpkin was dying anyway and it was almost time to get rid of it. I offered him my untouched, undecorated pumpkin to decorate any way he wanted. But he just kept crying, "I worked so hard on that one. It was my special pumpkin. The best pumpkin of my life." Doesn't that just break your heart? Lol. He cried the whole way to school, and was still crying when I left. Later, as Justin and I were talking about it, one of us must have said something about stinkin' teenagers being vandals, so now Levi tells everyone that some mean teenagers smashed his pumpkin. Haha. My one consolation is this: part of his decorating scheme was poking toothpicks all over the pumpkin - especially at the top to resemble hair. Those suckers are sharp, so maybe the pumpkin perpetrators paid a little penance for their pilfering.

2. Lena has been having major anxiety again lately. She cried every single morning this week, begging me not to make her go to school. She's been weird about me going places even while she's at school - always checking in to see what my plans are for the day and where I'll be when. She's been staying up way too late because she's afraid of falling asleep (she doesn't want bad dreams, and she's afraid someone's going to climb in her window and steal her). I stayed home from Bible Study on Monday night because she was freaking out so much about me leaving. Today, I went to Alpine for the last of my Christmas shopping. After about an hour, she started frantically video chatting me from her tablet every two minutes. I tried to explain that my Internet isn't good enough to video chat, but that didn't stop her.

I already have mom guilt about being gone for so long on a Saturday when my kids are home - and for sticking them with Justin for so long - her constant begging for me to come home makes the whole experience even more stressful. I honestly can't imagine being away from home for any length of time and not feeling guilty or stressed. Even when all three are at school, it's a constant race against the clock to be done in time to pick them up. Tonight, the kids decide to pool their money and buy a $5 pizza. When I went to pick it up, she insisted on coming with me for the five minute drive. The whole way there, she fretted about me leaving her in the car while I ran in to get the pizza. She instructed me to lock the car so no one could get her. When Levi said, "I'll just kick the bad guys" she said, "Levi. You couldn't fight off a grown adult." Ugh. The poor, poor child. I don't know where she gets the idea that she's going to get kidnapped (although I remember having the very same fears as a kid). A couple days ago, she finally admitted that she's afraid I'll die when I'm not with her. . . . What am I supposed to say to that? I could die. I just try to reassure her that it's very unlikely - I'm reasonably healthy, I drive safely, I mostly just sit on the couch and watch TV when she's not with me. I just feel so bad for her, because I've been in her shoes. And yet, I don't know how to help. (Even as I'm typing this at 9:58 pm, she keeps creeping down the hall and popping her head in to make sure I'm still sitting on the couch. She panics if I go downstairs before she falls asleep.) We pray all the time that God will give her courage. I tell her every day that courage is "doing it scared." How young is too young to start her on anti-anxiety meds? #kidding #butseriously

3. Well this is getting depressing. On to some funny Levi moments from this week. First there's this:

Then there's this:

And finally, this story: The kids and I were playing Disney Apples to Apples this week. At one point, we got the word "Chubby." I asked Levi if he knew what that meant, and he said, "Yeah, like this" and squished his cheeks together. Hahahaha. Also, of note during that game:

My end result. 🤦

4. Have I given you a college update recently? The deadline for "priority financial aid" for the winter semester was a couple weeks ago. I emailed the school and asked if the financial aid application I submitted for the fall semester would roll over to winter or if I needed to re-do it. They responded that it would roll over as long as I signed up for winter classes. So I did that (3 classes: 13 credits! 😬). And today, for the first time, I noticed this on my account;

🤞🤞🤞 Here's hoping I'll actually get to start taking some classes in January!

5. When I was stocking up at the library last week in preparation for a potential lockdown, I grabbed a bunch of Odyssey CDs. My kids have listened to them with varying interest over the years, but I need something to keep them away from the TV if we're going to be stuck at home 24/7. None of them were particularly interested in listening to them when I asked, but a few nights this week, I stuck one in the CD player, then sat down to color or do Legos and we all got absorbed into the stories. Success! (Oh, and for my out-of-state or future readers looking back on this crazy year: we are not in complete lockdown yet. The governor/health department has mandated that restaurants, bars, and indoor recreation [casinos, bowling, skating] close - with the exception of to-go food at restaurants. She also closed down all the state's high schools, moving them to virtual education. And non-professional sports were also canceled. I still think a full lockdown is imminent . . )

6. The biggest restriction thrown our way this week, though, is the "no gatherings of more than 2 family groups at one time." In case you didn't know, Thanksgiving is on Thursday. And, at least in my family, we had plans to gather with 6 or 7 family units (my parents, 3 siblings, 2 nephews that live in their own homes). So now we either defy the ruling (which holds little to no legal power), draw straws for who's allowed to go to Thanksgiving this year, or all stay home and do our individual Thanksgivings alone. And of course, my friends on facebook are all across the board - from those who insist the "mandate" is unconstitutional and are loudly and proudly proclaiming that they'll be gathering with whoever they want whenever they want to those who share memes like "Better a Thanksgiving Alone than a Christmas in the ICU" or poking fun at conservatives fighting for their freedom to spread disease and kill their loved ones. 🤦 So again, it's something else to be divided about. It's something else to fight over and get angry about. It's asking the question over and over, "By not getting together are we living in fear, or being rightly cautious?" It's reading statistics and horror stories and conspiracy theories. For every friend I have on facebook who says, "Trust the science! They're not making this up! Wear you're flipping mask!" I have another who says, "Masks don't work. Research harder. The truth is being suppressed." Both friends have articles to back themselves up. Most of the articles are written by doctors, infectious disease experts, epidemiologists, etc. For every person who shares an article about overrun hospitals and soaring death rates, there's a person who shares statistics put out by the CDC that says Covid has a 97% recovery rate (and almost 100% for children!). IS IT ANY WONDER WE ALL HAVE FREAKING ANXIETY?! I'm so sick of the division. I'm sick of my liberal friends calling me an entitled, uneducated hillbilly. I'm sick of my conservative friends shouting from the rooftops that they're right and everyone else is wrong. I'm sick of watching friendships unravel and families at odds with each other over these decisions. I'm sick of not being able to hear people because they're wearing masks. I'm sick of having my motives questioned. I'm sick of editing myself and the things I share so that I don't get judged. I'm sick of the uncertainty and the fear and the anger. And listen. I'm not asking for a solution. I'm not looking for another article to make me agree with you. I know everyone feels this way. I just process it through writing. And you're the lucky sap who's reading my "verbal diarrhea." You're welcome. I've been trying to find funny ornaments for my kids to remember this year, and came across this one. It won't mean anything to my kids or those of you who haven't watched Parks N' Rec, but for the rest of us, it's pure gold: