2020: Year in Review

Once upon a time, I had a 5 Year Journal. You're supposed to write a line or two a day on the same page for five consecutive years. I only made it through a couple of years because I'm lazy, but there was a point when my anxiety was bad and looking ahead to the blank pages filled me with terror. Who knew what potential hazards and heartaches my future held? Would I read my entries from 2015 five years later with a grimace over my naivete of what was to come? Sometimes my blog is like that. When I go back to the beginning of 2020, we had no how our lives were about to change. And in all honesty, I don't have a lot of faith in 2021 either. Thank goodness God doesn't reveal the future to us ahead of time. Can you imagine how much anxiety I would've had knowing what was coming at this time last year? And thank goodness he is sovereign, and has it all under control. Haha. Anyway, here are highlights (and lowlights?) of 2020.

- One of my resolutions for 2020 was to work on my kids' eating habits. We enforced the "one bite rule" for a while. I cleaned up some puke. There was weeping, gnashing of teeth, and slamming of doors. And ultimately, I did the same thing I always do: I gave in to keep the peace. More on that later, but suffice it to say that nothing has changed in that regard.

- Levi finally got mostly potty trained. He was still wearing diapers when we went to Florida in January, but was done with them by his birthday at the end of February. That said, if you've been following along, you know he's still not completely trained. I never realized how much of my life would be consumed by potty training.

- In happy news, we discovered the magic of melatonin. After at least a year of hardcore struggling with bedtime every single night, we realized that a few milligrams of melatonin half an hour before bed made Levi fall asleep in minutes. #cuethehallelujahchorus

- Thanks to the incredible generosity of Justin's parents, we were able to spend a week in Florida. We celebrated both Lena and Justin's birthdays while there, and while the weather was unusually cold for Florida, it felt pretty great to us Michiganders!!

- Lena took ballet class for the first time. She was an adorable little ballerina, but we never got to see her perform because of Covid. (Although it's unlikely she would've performed anyway. #anxiety)

- Thanks to one of Lucy's school assignments, I discovered a love for genealogy research. I spent hours researching, and found some cool stuff about my ancestors. (Totally related to Pocahontas.) 

- Lena started having major anxiety episodes again. At one point, in the middle of the school year, she had an absolute freakout/meltdown and it became a daily battle to get her into her classroom. She became extremely attached to me, and couldn't be apart from me for anything - even for fun things, or with people she knows and loves. In the past few months, she's gotten especially concerned that I'm going to die when I'm not with her. I'm pretty sure it's Karma for all my strange anxiety issues as a kid.

- We celebrated Levi's first official birthday with a plethora of activities: trampoline park, Build a Bear, and pizza. 

Little did we know that was the last time in a loooooong time that we'd be able to go to the trampoline park or the mall or sit inside a restaurant to eat pizza. Because next up was . . .

- Quarantine! It was unprecedented and uncertain, but we were all in it together, so it was ok. 🙄 At first, it was kind of fun. It was new and exciting and we didn't really think we were going to die, so we stocked up on essentials and looked forward to a vacation from work and school and a chance to spend time together as a family.

We did puzzles, and played games, and did Lego challenges, and baked, and did family devotions, and house projects, and watched lots and lots and lots of Netflix. But, what was originally meant to be a 3 week lockdown to "slow the spread" and "flatten the curve" became much longer. 

I don't even remember how long it actually was. I know that Justin was off work for 5 weeks (during which he collected unemployment, and made more than he does working 40 hours a week thanks to stimulus packages and relief bills). And I think church was closed for 12 weeks. Initially, we had high hopes that school would reopen after Spring Break, but those hopes were swiftly dashed. 

So we started living our "new normal," blissfully unaware of how long it would last and how much our lives would change.

Despite my best attempts, I became a homeschool teacher again. (Not really. The teaching was virtual, but the enforcing was done by yours truly.) We became well-versed in things that were previously unknown to us: Google Classroom, Zoom meets, and virtual church.

And as the weeks wore on, and the novelty wore off, our patience started to wear thin. 

At first, we introverts were rejoicing:

A few weeks in, and we realized this:

After 5 weeks, Justin went back to work, but I was still stuck in the house with 3 kids for weeks on end.

- We had our first ever Easter at home without any extended family.

- Eventually, masks became mandatory in public places. At first, we used bandanas or scarves, but eventually we all started buying cute ones or standard blue/white ones. They really have become part of the new normal for us by now. I have a stash in my purse and in my van. I remember the first few times I saw people wearing masks in the grocery store and remarking that it felt like a dystopian world. Now, I'm more surprised when I see someone not wearing a mask.

- Lucy and I had a really rough year. I'm sure that quarantine compounded it, but she's also definitely "tweening" . . . even though she's only 10. We discovered some major anger issues (both her and me), she broke her bedroom door by slamming/kicking it so much. Even once some restrictions were relaxed and we went to my sister's pool every day, Lucy chose to spend most of the summer alone in her room. But, honestly, it was good to look back and see that things have gotten marginally better as the year went on. I don't know if it's because she eventually got to go back to school, if any of our discipline methods actually served their intended purpose, she grew out of it, or I've learned to tiptoe around her more carefully, but we're co-existing much better recently. I've noticed a huge correlation between food and her attitude. She actually got pickier this year, and is now down to only macaroni, hot dogs, and pizza. She doesn't eat breakfast. She's obsessed with milk. And she always wants chips and snacks. If I'm feeling gung-ho about forcing her to eat something else, or if I haven't gotten groceries in a while and we don't have her 3 approved foods, she is a terror. If she is able to eat what she wants, she's much more pleasant. It's a huge factor in my depression and something I constantly battle - which is more important: her physical health, her mental health, or the emotional health of our family? 

- After most of the restrictions were lifted, I started attending a book club with some friends from church. It's a small group, but we've had a blast together.

- Levi surpassed Lena weight-wise, even though she still has a few inches on him. 

- I started watching Ruby 4 days a week.

- We had an unusually hot summer and enjoyed Niki's pool almost every day.

- Justin and I celebrated our 15th anniversary by spending 3 nights in Ludington - the longest I've ever been away from the kids.

- I started watching my niece Nova a couple days a week.

- Covid precautions continued longer than we ever expected. VBS and our town's summer fair were cancelled. 

- I started experiencing debilitating back pain, and began an expensive regimen with the chiropractor. When I initially finished, I was discouraged that it didn't seem to help that much, but I've noticed in the past few months that it's better than it was!

- After living here for a year with no interaction with our neighbors, Levi made friends with a kid from down the street earlier this year. Soon afterward, his sister started coming around, and now we see her most days.

- Niki and Libby both went part time at work so we had a blast spending time with each other and the cousin crew.

- My baby started pre-school! And I had 2 days a week with no kids for the first time in 10 years. I pretty much just sit around eating bon-bons now.

- In perhaps the funniest moment of the year, I went to get my hearing tested and this happened:

- My sweet nephew Casper was born!

- We survived an absolutely insane election season.

- Wearing a mask became a political statement and caused unbelievable amounts of division and dissension.

- We got our first fake Christmas tree.

- I got to work as a substitute librarian at the kids' school for 4 days in December. It re-ignited my desire to finish my college education, and as of today I'm signed up and paid up to start online classes on January 4! 

- My doctor recommended that I start tracking my moods so I can find patterns in my depressive episodes. I started in March right before quarantine, so my moods were all over the place. But as the year went on, I noticed that I was having more good days than bad or even "meh." One of the things my chiropractor told me this summer was that a healthy spine leads to healthy mental health. Maybe all those expensive adjustments really did make a difference? Or maybe having my kids back in school was good for my mental health. I'm sure part of it was that Lucy's attitude improved. I don't really know for sure, but I'm thankful for it, and hope it continues!

This is the Daylio app. Orange is bad, blue is "meh", green is good, teal is rad. Woohoo for lots of green!

At the end of 2019, I made a resolution to read less in 2020 because I felt like it was wasting my time. But then quarantine happened, and I was like, "forget that!" I wrote in the Saturday 7 last week that I was only at 79 books, but then Goodreads informed me that I had a bunch of books I added this year but didn't specify when I read them. After adding all those and looking at my Kindle Unlimited history for the year, I realized I was actually at 96! At that point, I had to go for 100, so I zipped through a few more books this week and ended at 100 exactly! These are the few that I rated 5 stars (in the order I read them):

The Hiding Place - Corrie ten Boom - nonfiction

Unplanned - Abby Johnson - nonfiction

Stay With Me - Becky Wade - Christian fiction

Bridge to Haven - Francine Rivers (re-read) - Christian fiction

Gods and Kings - Lynn Austin - Biblical fiction

Song of Redemption - Lynn Austin - Biblical fiction

The Strength of His Hand - Lynn Austin - Biblical fiction

Things We Didn't Say - Amy Lynn Green - Christian fiction

Gentleman Jim - Mimi Matthews - clean romance 

I'm not making resolutions for next year. I'm just going to eat, drink, and be merry because death sure seems imminent. 😂😂😂