The Saturday 7

1. We had conferences for the girls on Monday. Sometimes I want to ask if I can just opt out of conferences. Their teachers didn't have much to say - they do their work, participate in class, behave, and are getting all As. That's why God gave me Levi: to keep me humble.

2. I got groceries 4 times this week. On Monday, I got two Instacart orders: one from Aldi because they're cheaper, and one from Meijer because Lucy requires certain brands of foods that Aldi doesn't have. 🙄 On Wednesday, I ran to Dollar General after dropping the kids off at school because Meijer didn't have the pepperoni I ordered and Lucy was beside herself at the thought of eating her sandwich without pepperoni. There was door slamming and wailing. So I bought the stupid meat and threw it in her locker. Later that day I went to Family Fare looking for the frozen pizza that was out of stock for my Instacart order. It was out of stock at Family Fare too, so I ended up getting Starbucks and Little Caesar's instead. On Thursday, we were somehow out of milk and fruit and hot dog buns and sour cream again, so I made another Instacart order. And today I wanted Starbucks again, so I figured I might as well get some more groceries while I was in Family Fare. We were almost out of paper plates and macaroni anyway.

3. A couple weeks ago at church, the sermon was on Matthew 11 and the infamous verse, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Pastor Chris had a list of attributes of people who are striving on their own and not resting in Christ. Among them were feelings of guilt, shame, inadequacy, and depression. Um, pretty much my main emotions. I have a really hard time with the idea of "rest" though, because the thing that I feel guiltiest about is my laziness. If you tell me to stop striving and to rest in Jesus, then I will take that as license to ignore my kids and responsibilities and lay on the couch playing Words With Friends all day . . . which is pretty much what I do anyway. But at least I have the decency to feel bad about it. I can't figure out how to reconcile rest with obedience to the Spirit. I was telling Niki that I can't tell the difference between guilt and conviction and I am sick of feeling so guilty all the time. She told me that's conviction and I need to stop being so lazy. Ugh. She's right, though. I don't feel the need to strive for my salvation. I'm thankful to rest in Jesus for that. But I do feel the need to strive to obey him - to be the mom he's called me to be, to be a submissive and respectful wife, to be a good steward of my home, and to serve in the church. None of those things come naturally to me.

So when my kids didn't have school on Friday, I really made it a point to spend some time with them and not waste the entire day on my phone. I dug some craft supplies out of the basement and offered to paint with them. I read some of my old blog entries recently, and I used to be such a good mom! I did crafts and activities all the time. And they love it so much. We had a blast painting and listening to Christmas music all afternoon.

4. I also have major guilt about how much TV I let them watch - especially Levi on his days off of school. But the more intentional I try to be about limiting screen time, the more I'm realizing how incapable he is of entertaining himself. The second I pry the device out of his hands, he starts whining, "What can I dooooo??"

I do want to spend more time with my kids, but I don't want to spend every second of my day entertaining them. There has to be a happy medium - preferably one that doesn't involve me screaming, "It is not my job to entertain you!! Go play with your toys or I'm going to give them all away!!"

5. One way I attempted to peel Levi away from the TV this week while the girls were at school was by taking him to the library. They finally have their toys out again after 18 months of quarantining them, and for some reason the toys at the library are more fun than the toys we have at home (even the wooden train set that is exactly the same as the one we own 🤦). This week, there was another boy a little older than Levi playing at the library when we were there. For a while, they played side by side, but didn't interact. Then finally, they started talking. And soon they were bffs. It turns out, the kid lives right behind the library and walked there himself. Levi has asked me multiple times every day since then if we can go to Eli's house. I have told him repeatedly that we can't invite ourselves over, and that even if we were invited by Eli's parents, we don't go to strangers' houses. Lol. Stinkin' social child. Doesn't he know we're supposed to avoid people we don't know (and some that we do) like the plague??

6. I emailed a counseling center on Sunday to try and set up an appointment for Lena. No one ever got back to me . . . Is that a sign?? We decided not to force the Christmas program. I told her that she has to do the practices, but she can decide about the performance. It just makes me sad to see her missing out on things because of anxiety - mostly because that's exactly who I was as a kid. I never went to summer camp, I never rode roller coasters, I've never even been to the circus (#lionsandtigersandbearsohmy). And sadly I think Lena is worse. I thought it again after we went to open gym last week - she is a seriously talented gymnast, but she won't pursue it because she's scared to leave my side for lessons, and she wouldn't dream of competing. I should probably keep trying with the counselor.

7. Pics

We got Lucy a "new" mattress, and these two have had so much fun sliding down the stairs on the old one.

Creations at the library. Also, I hate how his hair looks in this picture. What do I need to tell the stylist to do to avoid those straight-across bangs??

While we were at the library, I found this awesome book that entertained me almost the whole time Levi was playing with his new BFF.