The Saturday 7

1. I had another really rough depression week. It was really bad. At one point I decided to just let Levi watch TV until he got sick of it. 6 hours later I finally made him turn it off and dragged him to the pool. I've obviously reached my threshold for being home with my kids all summer, and admitting that makes me feel incredibly guilty, which only leads to the downward spiral of depression. Our stinkin' pastor made an offhand comment in a sermon a couple weeks ago about how moms who want their kids to go back to school are lazy. And I feel like I've seen so many parents on social media bemoaning the last days of summer and saying how sad they are not to be with their kids all the time. Are people just liars or am I really that bad of a mom? When I hit rock bottom this week I was crying to Justin, "I'm not the mom I expected to be. And our kids aren't the kids I expected to have." So there's that. Today's dose of brutal honesty. And let me just clarify that the things I'm disappointed in my kids about are all things that are my fault - their picky eating, Lucy never leaving her room, their naughty behavior, etc. 

2. On Tuesday I went on two walks to cool down. I took Levi with me the first time because he and Lena needed a break from each other. We meandered along the creek and then somehow ended up at Starbucks. Haha. A couple hours later, I left all the kids at home - just walked out and went to the end of my street. (Lucy was home and I could see the house from where I sat down - calm down.) 

I sat here doing deep breathing exercises until I started to feel guilty about leaving and went home - only to find out no one even realized I was gone. Haha.

3. On Wednesday I knew we had to get out of the house, so I took my kids+Nova+neighbor-girl-Kylee to the Flick's free movie at Celebration. Kids under 12 were free, and Lucy and I were only $5 each. The movie was an oldie that Levi and Nova had already seen through some streaming device, but they loved the theater. I don't think my kids have ever been to Celebration, but it is next level bougie. Recliners, swivel trays, and heated seats! I didn't see much of the movie because I ended up taking a kid to the bathroom four different times, but it wasn't a hardship for me to miss bits and pieces of Puss in Boots. Haha. And it took up a big chunk of our day!

4. I can tell school is about to start because I've started to have nightmares about oversleeping, about having 40 kids in one library class, and about being stuck in molasses while trying to get my kids out the door. In real life, I'm not anxious at all. I'm really looking forward to getting back in the library. But apparently my subconscious is having some anxiety. Imagine that. 

5. Today was the second annual boys' sleepover. Niki has been hosting a girls' sleepover for years and Levi is always upset that he doesn't get to go. So we've started a boys' sleepover with Nash. It's not as elaborate as Niki's (is anything?), but Levi loves it. We picked Nash up at 2 and went to Justin's soccer game. The boys played on the playground, kicked a ball around, and loaded up on chips, sugar, and gatorade. 

Unintentionally twinning!

Then we went to the lake and attempted to catch fish in nets. 

Finally, we got McDonald's, they had an epic Nerf gun battle with the neighbor kids, and we let them stay up until 9 hoping they'd tire each other out. 

I haven't heard a peep from them since we put them to bed, so hopefully that means they went right to sleep and will sleep all night!

6. I read a book this week: Salt to the Sea by Ruta Sepetys. It's a WWII story, but in a setting that is new to me: Prussia (between Germany and the Soviet Union). It was astonishing to read the fictionalized account of a true story - hundreds of thousands of people were trapped between a defeated Germany and the Soviet army that had no compunction about torturing/murdering civilians in truly despicable ways. Salt to the Sea is the story of the desperate refugees who were chosen to escape on a cruise ship turned military ship. The ship was meant to hold 1500 people, but they crammed 10,000 on. You can imagine what happened next that makes it a historical event worth writing novels about. It was well done, if not a little depressing. It made me try to be a little more thankful for my beautiful life. 

7. Meme time

This isn't even a meme. I took this picture in the Family Fare by my house. There was another "flyer" with more random information on the refrigerated flower case. Why? Is Family Fare trying to educate people? Did these fall out of someone's backpack and get taped up as a joke? I don't get it, but it made me laugh.

I've been binge watching this show, and the caption is the truest thing I've ever read. 😂