Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Stupid Magazines

Thanks to Hip2Save, I've gotten some great deals on magazines. I get Parents, Parenting, Martha Stewart, Woman's Day, and FamilyFun. FamilyFun is definitely my favorite of all those because it has the most practical, realistic ideas. Seriously. Am I the only one who reads parenting magazines and thinks, "You're kidding me, right?" Here a few examples from this month's Parents magazine.

1. First of all, the recipes are a joke. Here's one that promises to entice kids to eat their veggies: Edamame and Sweet Corn Succotash with Marjoram. Ok, I'll admit that I'm a midwestern girl and we're not known for our eclectic veggies, but honestly I don't even know what Marjoram is and I've never had (or seen) edamame. What kid is going to be excited to eat that? [pg.64]

2. Oh, here's a section on health I thought was hilarious. It's for moms who are battling bloat. These are the food groups they suggest avoiding: fatty foods, gas producing foods such as certain fruits and veggies, sodium filled foods, and dairy products. Hmmm . . . so that leaves me bread and certain fruits and veggies. Ha! [pg. 72]

3. The ridiculous safety precautions: There's one article about having a fun spa day with your daughter. Ok, I'm on board with that. But they tell you to use lip balm that comes in a pot because wand applicators are dangerous. (Is she going to poke her eye out or choke on it while I'm sitting there having spa day with her??) And of course when painting nails you have to use chemical free brands! [pp. 85-86]

Along these lines is the feature "It Happened to Me" in every issue. This month's was "My daughter's finger got severed in a bathroom door!" [pg. 36] In every issue, we are scared by freak accidents that happen so rarely they're hardly worth thinking about! Why???

4. This is the one that fired me up to write this entry. On page 100, we're given this gem: "Let's get to know the farmer when we're at the farm stand. If our kids know the name of the person who grew the fruit sitting on their plate, maybe they'll be less likely to reject it." Seriously? You really think my telling Chase, "Oh, remember? We bought this edamame from Farmer George?" is going to make him say, "Oh yeah! Awesome! I totally want to eat it now!" Lol

5. Just a couple more. I usually take issue with the question and answer portions. These people write in with real questions and get the lamest answers. Take for instance, the question on pg. 146: "My 22-month-old adores dogs and always rushes to touch them even when I tell him to stop. How can I teach him to proceed with caution?" The "expert" suggest doing role play with a stuffed animal and say, "May I pet your dog?" I think that is so ridiculous to expect a less than 2 year old to understand that, nonetheless remember it next time he sees a dog!

6. One more along that lines is trouble-shooting "summer scenarios." [pg. 157] The scenario is 2 friends having a playdate. Mom tells them to pick up the toys. Friend 1 starts picking up, Friend 2 refuses. The author advises, "Talk about the benefits of teamwork . . . Once kids understand their participation is vital, they're much more likely to pitch in." Gag me.

Ok, ok, I'm being a little snarky. (A little?) I voluntarily subscribe to these magazines and I do enjoy parts of them. Once in a while I find some good crafts, and I've gleaned lots of information from them over the years. In this issue, there was a fun story about road trips with kids, a surprisingly good article about discipline, and a practical article about getting your kids to nap.

But my favorite part is always the funny stuff. The last page is bloopers. [pg. 174] I'll end this riveting entry with two of my favorites:

- My 2 year old son, Abel, walked into the kitchen carrying two hangers and a toy butter knife. "What do you have?" I asked, to which he responded, "My hookers and my wife!" [LOL!]

- I was driving with my three girls when my daughter Melanie, 6, shouted "Where's the F'n pharmacy?!" I was about to scold her until I realized that my budding reader actually meant, "Where's the F in pharmacy?" [Hahahaha]


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  2. Nice. :) We only get 2 magazines here, Better Homes & Gardens and Parenting: The Early Years. The only reason we get Parenting is 'cause I got roped into it one day when I was in Motherhood Maternity... I'll admit, it makes for good bathroom reading. :-P Most of the good stuff in it I already knew, either from commmon sense or in the What to Expect books. BHG often frustrates me, but I'm subscribed for at least another year and a half... Most (but not all) of the decorating things they do annoy me, and most (but not all) of their recipes use weird ingredients. I've started ripping out the pages I do like and keeping them in a file and tossing the rest!

  3. haha, some magazines just have the stupidest things in them.

    I love the last joke -- reminds me of a time Missy, Paul, Peter, Kris, and I went to visit the Cowell's for Victoria's graduation. Paul or Peter said something like "I"m so f-d up" about something...Missy and I for the life of us couldn't get it. We finally started spelling "e-f-t-" what is eft? A minute or so later we got it and realized how stupid we were.

  4. I get Parenting, and it is notoriously ridiculous. I can read the entire thing in about 10 minutes, and it's never helpful. I enjoy some of the stuff in Parents, but I like my Redbook and Entertainment Weekly way more;)

  5. I just thought of this post again, since my dinner I'm eating has edamame in it;)
    Also, I actually don't think the whole "meet the farmer" thing is a bad idea. Obviously, the best way to encourage them to try something new is if they've grown it themselves in a garden, but the next closest thing would be visiting the farm or getting to know the farmer. I think it might actually work! But I'm a crazy Californian who eats edamame for dinner;)


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