Saturday, June 7, 2014

The Saturday 7

This entry is a little more TMI than usual, so my male readers should consider themselves forewarned. Haha.

1. In reading up on so many homeschool websites lately, I've seen a major emphasis on sensory play - aka messy play. I am not a fan of messy. I think Lucy has fingerpainted approximately once in her life. I don't let Lena use her own fork or spoon. I don't even really like play-doh. But this week, we discovered a brilliant form of "sensory play" that even I can live with. I spent too much time in the sun last weekend, and don't tan like I used to, so I ended up with a big ole sunburn. Lucy overheard me asking Justin to put lotion on my back and said, "I want to put lotion on your back!" Ding ding ding! Sensory play. She has spent many moments this week slathering me in lotion. How about that for a win/win situation? 

2. After spending last weekend in my swimsuit, it became apparent that wearing it while nursing two babies over the course of a few years has made it less suitable for those years that I'm not nursing, if you know what I mean. Haha. So I declared Monday night date night and told Justin he was taking me shopping. Of course we had to get dinner first, since it was date night. So we stuffed ourselves full of Olive Garden, then went swimsuit shopping! You can imagine how that decision lent itself to my self-esteem. Ha. I'm lucky to have a husband who doesn't mind shopping, so we actually had fun. I tried something new for the first time in years: a one piece swimsuit. I traditionally avoid one pieces in favor of a tankini with shorts to cover my thighs. But I'm embracing my stretch marks and cellulite this year. Haha. I ended up buying this one
Yes, that is me modeling it. ;-)
The fringe does a decent job of distracting from my butt and thighs, so that's a bonus. I'm still showing more than I want to, but I'm over it. I have cellulite because I enjoy Dr Pepper. I have stretchmarks because I carried two beautiful, huge babies. Haha. I also got a great deal on some yoga pants from Kohl's. Orignally $40, I paid $8.40! Woot!

3. Sunday marked 5 years since my first miscarriage. I wrote a post about it here if you care to read it. I realized recently that I wrote a whole graphic post about my second miscarriage, but have never really documented my first. So now I have. 

4. I jotted down four milestones about Lena this week, so I'm going to include them all in one mini-update point: She has figured out how to call for me from across the house - usually when she's stuck somewhere, like at the top of the stairs or on a table she climbed on. Haha. It's adorable to hear her little voice calling, "Mooooommmmmmyy!!!" She's also started calling for her baby when she can't find her. It is so cute. She walks around calling, "Baaaaaby! Where arrrrrre you?" I love it. 

She finally moved up to size 3 diapers this week! Haha. At 16 months old. And her 4th tooth popped through: top left. Those top teeth aren't all they're cracked up to be, though. They just cause trouble when she falls off of tables:
Fell off a table at the library and bit her lip. Lots of blood!

5. I've been cracking down on the girls' eating habits again. (I know, how many times have I said that?) I realized this week that Lucy only eats 3 different meals and Lena's diet pretty much consists of fruit and cheese. (Lots of fruit - I was trying to make dinner one day this week, so handed her a container of raspberries. She ate the whole thing. Lol.) So I've been feeding them as usual for breakfast and lunch, but making them eat what we have for dinner. This night was lasagna. Lena was a big fan. Lucy licked one bite then chose to go hungry the rest of the night. Ugh.
I had a few people suggest smoothies on my facebook post asking for suggestions. My brother Luke actually made some smoothies this week. Lena guzzled it, but Lucy took one sip and refused any more. It was strawberries, bananas, and orange juice - all things Lucy loves separately. Grr. That girl. 

6. This week was rough on me, depression-wise. We had a good beginning of the week. Monday through Wednesday I got a lot of housework done and did a really good job with lessons and activities for Lucy (post about our series on Daniel in the Lions' Den coming soon). I was feeling accomplished and productive and worthwhile. Then Thursday came and everything went downhill. Lena had been waking up at 5:30 all week, which was bad enough, but on Thursday she got up at 5:15. I am so frustrated by it. I used to just ignore her 'til 6, but 45 minutes is a long time to listen to her crying, "Mommy! Up please!" in her pathetic little voice. I think a huge part of the depression surge was lack of sleep. I spent all day fighting back tears, and feeling trapped by motherhood. I feel so stupid in retrospect, but at the time it's practically suffocating. I physically feel like there's a weight on my chest and something clawing at my throat. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by the fact that there's no escape. When Lena wakes up at 5:15, I have to get up with her. Justin leaves for work at 5, so I'm the only other option. When she cries "Mommy, up please!" all day every day, I have to either listen to her cry or spend my day carrying her around. When Lucy whines, "plaaaaaay with me" 6,000 times a day, I have to die to myself and close the computer/turn off the TV/peel myself off the couch to spend time with her. And then the guilt just adds to the depression. Why don't I want to spend every second with my kids? Why can't I just cherish and enjoy these moments? I recently saw the movie "Moms' Night Out" and nearly cried at one part when the mom says, "I dreamed about this life. This is what I've always wanted. My life goal was to be a stay at home mom so why am I so unhappy?" Yes! Here's the thing: I'm not always unhappy. More often than not, I love my life. But then these days of depression creep up on me and take me by surprise. They're honestly usually a result of PMS. So when I started to feel it this week, I actually got out my calendar to check. I still have two weeks to go. So it can't be PMS and I can't be pregnant. So then I was even more depressed that I can't blame it on hormones!!  Haha. (And for the record, I am not trying to get pregnant. I just know some of you will read this and say "You must be pregnant." Haha.) I'm feeling better today. Justin let me sleep in yesterday on his day off and I've been trying to get to bed earlier. Plus I've been staying busy. My sisters came over yesterday to hang out by the pool and tonight I have Ladies' Night Out at church to look forward to. I'll snap out of it soon. Just keeping it real. :-)

7. To end on a much happier note, I have to tell you about my Usborne party. Usborne is a home-party type children's "bookstore." My friend Cara is an Usborne consultant, and she's doing a party for me online. I never host home-parties because I'm so nervous that no one will show up or buy anything and it'll be a waste of the consultant's time. But when Cara offered to do an online party, that was much more up my alley. It's a week-long event on facebook, where Cara highlights certain books and answers people's questions, and everyone can shop through her website at their leisure. There are so many great books - from educational to fun to activity books. I think I'm going to get mostly sticker books and maze books and activity type books for Lucy. And maybe another touch and feel book for Lena. Anyway, here's the link if you want to check it out: Sadie's Usborne Party. And if you want to be invited to the event on facebook so you can see the specials or ask Cara any questions, let me know. (She also posts pictures of the inside of a bunch of books, which you can't always see on the website.) 



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