Tuesday, October 27, 2015

The [Long] Reveal Recap

After much anticipation, we finally had our big ultrasound yesterday. I've waffled this entire pregnancy between thinking it's a boy and a girl. This pregnancy has been very different than my other two - I was sick, I've had all kinds of bleeding issues (which has nothing to do with the baby's sex), and the baby's heart-rate has been consistently lower than my girls' ever were. So that made me think it was a boy.

But I just couldn't picture having a boy and my intuition was telling me girl. I'm usually a believer in a mother's intuition, but this time it was flat out wrong! Haha.
I wasn't crying. That's just how my eyes look. Haha.
I was lucky and got in for a semi-early ultrasound at 9:45 am, instead of having to wait all day. We let Lucy take the day off of school so she could come with us. She's been looking forward to it for weeks, but when it came time to leave Lena at Niki's house, Lucy melted down, saying she wanted to stay with Niki too:
Crying in the car.
She got over it pretty quickly, though, and we headed off to the doctor's office. The first thing the ultrasound tech did was check the baby's heartbeat. When she said the BPM was 125, I started to doubt my intuition. Neither of the girls' heartbeats was ever lower than 140. But I know that's just an old wives tale and nothing scientifically proven. The tech looked around a little and we got some cute pictures of the baby's profile, then she started to make her way down its body.

I am terrible with ultrasounds and can never really tell what I'm seeing:

But as the tech focused on the baby's lower half, I really started to think I was seeing something between its legs. Haha. Finally, she said, "Do you have a guess for gender?" Justin and I both said, "yes" and I said, "Is it a boy?" She confirmed that it was! I think the first words out of my mouth were, "I can't believe it!" Haha. Up until recently, Lucy only wanted a girl, but yesterday morning she said she wanted a boy. So she was thrilled. And Justin, while not outwardly enthusiastic, was also excited. :-) 

The tech continued on to check the baby's anatomy. She pointed out kidneys, bladder, 4 chambers of the heart, brain, spine, arms, legs, hands, feet, nose and mouth. Again, I didn't recognize a lot of it. Haha. But I was relieved to hear it was all there. When she was done, she asked, "Is there anything else you want to see?" and I said, "Can you just double check that it's definitely a boy?" Haha. I still couldn't believe it. She chuckled and said, "It's pretty unmistakable." And the picture she printed off for us definitely leaves no doubt. Whew!

I was a little nervous because she spent a lot of time looking at his head and heart. I hate that the tech isn't allowed to say anything if there's something wrong. But the doctor confirmed that everything is perfect and he's growing right on track!

My subchorionic hematoma still hasn't changed at all, which is a little disheartening. Everyone that I've talked to who had one said theirs was gone by 20 weeks. I finally asked the Dr. to explain the risks to me. I wanted to know if having one my entire pregnancy will up my risk for bed-rest or a c-section. She assured me that neither of those were likely and the biggest risk is that it could cause the placenta to tear away. But she also assured me that my hematoma is no where near my placenta and she has no reason to think it will be a problem. I just get to keep having ultrasounds to check on it!

And now, my feelings about having a boy . . .

You'd think that having two girls already would make me want a boy. Most people want at least one of each. But I'e always wanted girls. I love having girls. I love that they're sisters and will [hopefully] be best friends all their lives. I adore having sisters and would've loved to provide my girls with another one! Also, having another girl would be more practical. We're poor and already have totes and totes filled with girl clothes. It's kind of daunting to think of starting over with a boy. Fortunately, 95% of my baby gear is gender neutral, and honestly this boy will be fine sitting in a pink Bumbo. Haha.

If you had asked me a couple weeks ago what I wanted, I would've said girl. As we got closer to the reveal, I started to think I might want a boy. It's likely this will be our last baby (although we're not doing anything permanent, so I won't rule out another one ;-) ) and I started to get a little sad at the thought of never having a boy. So I was thrilled when we found out it's a boy.

And yet . . . I'm a little uncertain. Mostly because it's unknown for me. I'm used to being a girl mom. Being a boy mom kind of scares me. I don't like dirt or sports or fart jokes. And yes, I know I'm gender-stereotyping and my boy may not like those things - or my girls very well could. But so far, my girls are very girly and I haven't had to deal with most of those things (although they do enjoy a good fart joke). I also feel a tiny bit disconnected. Somehow, I feel like I'd be closer to the baby if it was a girl. I'm kind of weirded out that there's a boy living in my body. Haha. I can't really articulate it - which is unusual for me; and which is why this entry is ridiculously long. 

I feel like this adage is true: "A daughter is a daughter for all her life. A son is a son til he takes a wife." In my dream world, my girls are going to be my friends forever. They're going to share things with me and rely on me and love me forever. A boy is going to love me while he lives with me and need me while I'm providing the food, but he'll grow up and leave me. 

But I also know that all these concerns about bonding will fly out the window as soon as they put this baby in my arms. I will love and adore him immediately. The connection just hasn't been as instant as it was with the girls. 

Don't get me wrong. I'm excited. It's just something new to wrap my head around. And I'm already stressed about picking a name. We had Lucy's name picked out before we knew she was a girl. With Lena, we had a list we needed to narrow down. With this boy, we have a list of like 4 names that are ok, but nothing we love. I read through the social security website's top 1000 boy names yesterday and still didn't find anything I love. Oy vey.

And while I'm a little stressed about spending money, I'm going to enjoy shopping for a boy wardrobe. :-)

It's been fun to share the news, too. Everyone would've been happy with another girl, but people are even happier that it's a boy. Haha. I got 137 likes on my announcement picture on facebook yesterday. Niki cried. My mom shouted excitedly. It's just been fun all around. :-) 

Sweet nameless baby boy

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