Saturday, October 24, 2015

The Saturday Siete

1. We had a busy week. Actually, it's been a busy month. And our weekends are booked for the next 4 weeks! So unlike us. It's mostly fun stuff, though, so I won't complain. Last night was our small group Halloween party. Justin was a party pooper this year and didn't dress up, but the girls and I had fun:
Some bees and a grumpy Sofia the First.
Cupcake time!
Silly snapchats on the road. 
2. I have been having so many ridiculous dreams lately. I'm actually kind of amazed at my brain's capacity to think this stuff up. Haha. They're so detailed and convoluted. And they last for hours - or at least that's what it feels like. They just keep going and going and getting weirder and weirder.

One this week was like a crazy soap opera. There were all these people who were secretly sleeping with each other. I was pregnant and didn't know who the baby's daddy was. Finally it came out that it was my best friend's husband. (Who is someone I know in real life and is totally awkward. Lol.)

Last night, I dreamed that I was in college and my roommate and I were both in love with our (very old) professor. We somehow got in a boat crash and were stuck in a pocket of air underwater for weeks. And there was a baby and someone got eaten by an alligator. And we had to go down this water slide thing, but I got stuck. 

It makes no sense when I type it out, but it's actually really frustrating to dream like this all the time. I feel like I never get restful sleep. And I hate that everything's left unresolved. It's like reading 8 books a night, but skipping the last chapter every time!

3. Lucy fell at school this week and ended up with a massive bruise. She had to get an accident report sent home and everything! Check out her bruise:
It's weirdly circular. Doesn't it look fake? She was carrying her lunch, tripped over her own feet, and hit the teacher's metal desk. She gets her gracefulness and coordination from me. 

4. And yes, the girls were playing with make-up right before I took that picture. Check out Lena's look:
Doesn't it look like she's going for a costume-y look a la Pinterest?

5. Speaking of Pinterest, have y'all heard of "socially awkward penguin?" I'm sure I've posted some of the memes before, but it's become Justin's and my excuse for everything. 

"Wanna hang out with friends this weekend?" I can't. I'm a socially awkward penguin.

"Wanna watch Shark Tank?" I can't. I'm a socially awkward penguin.

"My parents are having their home group over tonight." Oh no! We better go out for dinner!

 But going out for dinner is dangerous too!

It's so painfully true for both of us. Our poor children don't stand a chance at being well-adjusted functioning members of society.

6. Every single year when I run out of refills on my anxiety meds, I forget to call in for a refill in time and end up missing a few doses and going crazy. My withdrawals from Paxil were physical: hot flashes, dizziness, nausea, etc. But now I'm on Prozac and had a new kind of withdrawal: emotional. I was an emotional wreck most of this week. Yesterday, it manifested itself as orneriness, but on Thursday it was ridiculous weepiness.

I made the mistake of looking back at my past two years of Instagram photos. I get weepy because my kids are growing up so fast and I miss them being little. (Even though they still are little.) And then I get weepy because I'm such a terrible mother. I seriously think I've gotten worse in the past year. Looking back at those Instagram pictures, I realized I used to have tea parties and do crafts and play outside with them. Now, I'm glued to my computer/phone/Kindle 24/7 and rely on them to play by themselves all the time. I've been extremely convicted, over the past year about my laziness and selfishness . . . but I don't change!

I've been thinking about dying in childbirth (because I'm positive and upbeat like that), and am worried that the only things my girls are going to remember about me are my obsessions with Dr Pepper and my computer. And yet, day after day, I do the same thing. Day after day I get annoyed with them and wish they didn't demand so much of my attention. Day after day I hate myself for being that way. And then I start to panic that I'm adding another child to the mix! What am I doing??

I've been consistently doing my devotions from that book Walking with God in the Season of Motherhood, and subsequently spending a lot of time praying that God would change me. That's been my refrain for a year - take away my selfishness and laziness. Make me more like you. Feel me with your Spirit and His fruits. And yet, I feel like nothing is changing. I realize I'm supposed to be desperate and coming to the end of myself to show me that I need Jesus. But . . . here comes my sacrilegious statement . . . I don't feel like he's helping me to change. :-( Ugh. I should've made this its own post. There's no resolution. This is where I'm stuck right now.

7. So . . . let's end on a happier note . . . did you hear the good news??
It's coming back!!!! The original writer has agreed to write 4 more 90-minute episodes and most of the actors have signed on to come back! I'm soooo excited!!!

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